Fear...

I thought I knew what fear was. I think my mistake was that I made it the same thing as intimidation. I was wrong.

I thought I was past simply being afraid... like a little kid that is afraid of the dark or someone who has a deathly fear of clowns. I was wrong.

When everything you have existed for and known is suddenly turned into a burning blaze of question marks... now I have a little more taste of fear.

It has been years since I dreaded the next moment ... the next breath... the next answer. Guess the wait didn't cure it.

I can't reveal why I'm in this fear (it's none of your business), but I will tell you this. It is humbling. It will take every beam of support that isn't truly founded and crush it upon the shores of life. It stirs up every dead thing from the ocean's floor and sends it crashing and mixing into what I thought was a crystal clear pool of life.

It is so odd. I used to would have said that fear was related to the unknown... but I'm finding it is much more based in the known. My fears manifest based on what I know (or at least what I think I know).

I think fear is good and bad and neither one all at the same time. There is a part of me that says if my fears go unconfirmed and that mercy and grace are manifested that it will be the most glorious thing I've ever seen. Another part of me wrenches in pain at the thoughts that my fears might be correct. And at the same time I realize that it isn't the outcomes that make the fear but the anticipation.

Maybe that's why they say the fear of the Lord is clean and as a sweet smelling savor. The expectation of His greatness will keep us in fear and trembling. The knowing how great He is and how frail and stupid I am.

I'm not condoning living a life in fear of satan... I'm saying that if you never become afraid you don't realize how precious the things that you actually have are. The question resides in what you let bring "fear" to your life.

At this very moment as I write this a fear that I haven't experienced... probably in my entire life... overwhelmes me, and at the same time I have the greatest respect and value for what I have, that I have had in my entire life.

Fragile... Fragile.... Fragile.... Everything is sooooo fragile and so priceless.



It takes you fr