Ok I thought and thought and he just summed it up for me today! Hope you enjoy!
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2006/07/belief.html or click the title of this post!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Do You Ask Questions?
Do you ever ask questions? No really, DO YOU ASK QUESTIONS?
I thought I did. I thought that I asked questions. But I'm beginning to realize that I don't. You know why I don't ask questions? Because I don't want real answers. I really don't care what people think, and I really don't care what value they have. That's why I don't ask questions. If I wanted to know I would ask.
So why don't I want to know?
For one, it would mean that I didn't know the answer to something. I would have to admit that I don't know it all. I would have to expect someone to know something that I don't, and at least for me, that isn't easy to do. My performance standard does not want to let me be wrong. It wants me to have the answer. It wants me to be able to give direction. I think that if I don't have an answer then those I'm leading will think less of me.
Secondly, I often am oblivious to other people. I am so wrapped up in being a good performer that I miss any value in the people around me. I miss when they seem to have something to say. I miss when they give off some non-verbal communication that indicates an underlying opinion. I become totally wrapped up in my greatness and miss the greatness in everyone else.
Probably not last, and probably not least, I simply don't like conflict. Many people who know me are often telling me how confrontational I am. But I am not truly confrontational, I am blunt. There is a big difference! I don't have a problem pointing out problems and even offering solutions. But I have found that I get very uncomfortable when I force people to walk through their own beliefs, their own value, and their own opinions. I think I'm afraid that I might hurt them. Or maybe I'm afraid that they might reject me. At any rate I know that deeper levels of real intimacy can be very intimidating to me. I don't have any problem explaining someone's issues (and often I am right), but it's much more difficult for me to expose them to their issues.
For example, I can tell all of you that you are terrible at change and that you never execute, but it is another thing for me to walk you into that revelation so that you see yourself as terrible at change and never executing. I think I'm afraid that you might blame/identify me with the flaws in you. Because I've convinced myself in the past that I am "confrontational" I have actually ran from REAL conflict because I did not want people to see me that way!
OUCH!!! THIS HURTS!!!
I think what this means is that to become a great leader, I have to accept that it is ok for me to be controversial and confrontational. So long as my heart and my motive is for the other person's uplifting and not their detriment. WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO BE US?
Hopefully, you can identify with this post. I certainly didn't post for pity, but more for personal recognition of where I am. It's my hope that recognizing and exposing my flaws can help you to avoid them!
I thought I did. I thought that I asked questions. But I'm beginning to realize that I don't. You know why I don't ask questions? Because I don't want real answers. I really don't care what people think, and I really don't care what value they have. That's why I don't ask questions. If I wanted to know I would ask.
So why don't I want to know?
For one, it would mean that I didn't know the answer to something. I would have to admit that I don't know it all. I would have to expect someone to know something that I don't, and at least for me, that isn't easy to do. My performance standard does not want to let me be wrong. It wants me to have the answer. It wants me to be able to give direction. I think that if I don't have an answer then those I'm leading will think less of me.
Secondly, I often am oblivious to other people. I am so wrapped up in being a good performer that I miss any value in the people around me. I miss when they seem to have something to say. I miss when they give off some non-verbal communication that indicates an underlying opinion. I become totally wrapped up in my greatness and miss the greatness in everyone else.
Probably not last, and probably not least, I simply don't like conflict. Many people who know me are often telling me how confrontational I am. But I am not truly confrontational, I am blunt. There is a big difference! I don't have a problem pointing out problems and even offering solutions. But I have found that I get very uncomfortable when I force people to walk through their own beliefs, their own value, and their own opinions. I think I'm afraid that I might hurt them. Or maybe I'm afraid that they might reject me. At any rate I know that deeper levels of real intimacy can be very intimidating to me. I don't have any problem explaining someone's issues (and often I am right), but it's much more difficult for me to expose them to their issues.
For example, I can tell all of you that you are terrible at change and that you never execute, but it is another thing for me to walk you into that revelation so that you see yourself as terrible at change and never executing. I think I'm afraid that you might blame/identify me with the flaws in you. Because I've convinced myself in the past that I am "confrontational" I have actually ran from REAL conflict because I did not want people to see me that way!
OUCH!!! THIS HURTS!!!
I think what this means is that to become a great leader, I have to accept that it is ok for me to be controversial and confrontational. So long as my heart and my motive is for the other person's uplifting and not their detriment. WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO BE US?
Hopefully, you can identify with this post. I certainly didn't post for pity, but more for personal recognition of where I am. It's my hope that recognizing and exposing my flaws can help you to avoid them!
Just an Update
Just an update. Some of you may have been wondering why the posts have slowed down a little bit. I haven't forgotten about the site and I'm not letting it slip, I just decided that I was rushing us through some of the topics and I wanted to allow a little more time for soaking in the information. Don't worry there is still plenty to come from Change Addicts, in the mean time if you have something you would like to add or post yourself please either comment on this post, or contact me in however you think you can! I'm always looking for great content. I want this to become a community of change addicts, not just one man's rant about change!
Thanks for reading and participating, have a great day!
PS Besides if I post everyday in the same way at the same time, that becomes a routine, and I HATE ROUTINE!
Thanks for reading and participating, have a great day!
PS Besides if I post everyday in the same way at the same time, that becomes a routine, and I HATE ROUTINE!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Performance vs. Purpose
I posted recently about the dangers of performance and there is much more in this than I could even start to cover in a single post. Thus, prepare for more pain! LOL!
Performance is that dangerous slight of motive that causes us to question everything we do. It limits who we are and blinds us to reality. It props us up for failure and gives us a false identity with those around us.
However, probably the most fatal thing about a performance mentality is that it robs us of REAL purpose. I've always heard that if you don't know the purpose of a thing then you will abuse it! If you are trying to perform then you will miss the purpose of the moments that you go through. You will think that you are there to accomplish one task and become totally unaware of anything else that is going on inside of that moment.
For me, really living is in discovering REAL value in every moment of life. This means that I can't go into the moment with a preconceived value, but I must go into it alert and aware of any value that might appear. For example, instead of simply going to work to do my job, I become aware of the people around me. One day I'm working and I notice my co-worker crying. Well my performance "SELL SELL SELL" mentality (first of all never notices her, but if I do) says that I do not have time to deal with her, or "man she is terrible at this job". I become critical and condemning.
I know I have catch myself constantly getting wrapped up in my performance and forgetting what the real value of the moment is. I become a terrible leader because I am worrying about leading. I get so caught up in what I am and am not doing that I never notice other people and what I can do for them.
To me losing the performance mentality is the key to SERVANT leadership. It says, "My performance is insignificant, how can I serve you?"
The key is understanding that "performance" is not "doing". Performance is self centered and hung up on how well you can do, servant leadership is about what is it that others need done, that I can help them do. Not to make me look good, but to make them look good. What is it that they can't recognize and do for themselves, what is it they is dirty and they won't do for themselves, what is it that is uncomfortable and limiting that I can take away from them. That is true servant based leadership. It is finding a way to give up your greatness to make someone else great. It is getting your hands dirty to clean someone else's dirty feet. It is making their supply and their value a priority over your own!
It's funny, performance is the opposite of concrete action. Performance is when you are acting out a character that isn't your own. When you don't know your own character it becomes necessary to always try to be someone else's character... THAT IS THE ESSENCE OF PERFORMANCE!
Discover your purpose, discover your place, discover every moment! That's what it takes to overcome your performance mentality. Come up with concrete actions and then test their effective and affective reality. See if they are just more BS to make you look good, or if they are real effective strategies that bring the best out of others!
Do you act out of performance and puffed up knowledge... or do you act out of purpose? Performance lives for a moment, purpose lives for THE moment. Performance is temporary, purpose is eternal. Performance is dictated, purpose is innate. Performance is external, purpose is inherent.
Are you just performing or do you really have purpose?
Performance is that dangerous slight of motive that causes us to question everything we do. It limits who we are and blinds us to reality. It props us up for failure and gives us a false identity with those around us.
However, probably the most fatal thing about a performance mentality is that it robs us of REAL purpose. I've always heard that if you don't know the purpose of a thing then you will abuse it! If you are trying to perform then you will miss the purpose of the moments that you go through. You will think that you are there to accomplish one task and become totally unaware of anything else that is going on inside of that moment.
For me, really living is in discovering REAL value in every moment of life. This means that I can't go into the moment with a preconceived value, but I must go into it alert and aware of any value that might appear. For example, instead of simply going to work to do my job, I become aware of the people around me. One day I'm working and I notice my co-worker crying. Well my performance "SELL SELL SELL" mentality (first of all never notices her, but if I do) says that I do not have time to deal with her, or "man she is terrible at this job". I become critical and condemning.
I know I have catch myself constantly getting wrapped up in my performance and forgetting what the real value of the moment is. I become a terrible leader because I am worrying about leading. I get so caught up in what I am and am not doing that I never notice other people and what I can do for them.
To me losing the performance mentality is the key to SERVANT leadership. It says, "My performance is insignificant, how can I serve you?"
The key is understanding that "performance" is not "doing". Performance is self centered and hung up on how well you can do, servant leadership is about what is it that others need done, that I can help them do. Not to make me look good, but to make them look good. What is it that they can't recognize and do for themselves, what is it they is dirty and they won't do for themselves, what is it that is uncomfortable and limiting that I can take away from them. That is true servant based leadership. It is finding a way to give up your greatness to make someone else great. It is getting your hands dirty to clean someone else's dirty feet. It is making their supply and their value a priority over your own!
It's funny, performance is the opposite of concrete action. Performance is when you are acting out a character that isn't your own. When you don't know your own character it becomes necessary to always try to be someone else's character... THAT IS THE ESSENCE OF PERFORMANCE!
Discover your purpose, discover your place, discover every moment! That's what it takes to overcome your performance mentality. Come up with concrete actions and then test their effective and affective reality. See if they are just more BS to make you look good, or if they are real effective strategies that bring the best out of others!
Do you act out of performance and puffed up knowledge... or do you act out of purpose? Performance lives for a moment, purpose lives for THE moment. Performance is temporary, purpose is eternal. Performance is dictated, purpose is innate. Performance is external, purpose is inherent.
Are you just performing or do you really have purpose?
Monday, July 24, 2006
Angry people rule the world!
Have you ever noticed how gentle quiet people never rule the world? When was the last time you got "danged" mad about something. Even the Martin Luther King's and the Mahatma Ghandi's were danged mad about something.
I've found that when things get to easy I start getting bored. In my life, I have determined that to be a truly effective leader I must continually be passionately "angry" about something. That doesn't mean that I live a misereable life, but it does mean that I am forever trying to affect change in it!
There are two main types of "angry" people. There are those who are bitter and those who are passionate.
So how do we discover the difference in passion and bitterness.
Here is a short comparison list that I would love to hear your ideas on and add to!
Bitter people are focused on what they can't do about their problems.
Passionate people are focused on what they can do about their problems.
Bitter people blame the current system.
Passionate people revolutionize the current system.
That's a start ... now I want to hear from you. What makes us angry, passionate people, different from angry bitter people?
I've found that when things get to easy I start getting bored. In my life, I have determined that to be a truly effective leader I must continually be passionately "angry" about something. That doesn't mean that I live a misereable life, but it does mean that I am forever trying to affect change in it!
There are two main types of "angry" people. There are those who are bitter and those who are passionate.
So how do we discover the difference in passion and bitterness.
Here is a short comparison list that I would love to hear your ideas on and add to!
Bitter people are focused on what they can't do about their problems.
Passionate people are focused on what they can do about their problems.
Bitter people blame the current system.
Passionate people revolutionize the current system.
That's a start ... now I want to hear from you. What makes us angry, passionate people, different from angry bitter people?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Performance enhancing Drugs
Have you noticed that you are a member of an epidemic? You have fallen victim to performance enhancing drugs.
You are the Barry Bonds of your world!
You look for every tip and trick to make your "performance" the best of the best! Shoot, many of us even read blogs such as this one, looking for that one tip that is going to push us over the edge.
Here is the problem. The more you look for performance enhancers, the more you stop being you.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing things right! There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things "right"! The problem comes when we sacrifice what is really going on in our life and who we really are to get things "right".
To be sure that semantics don't get in the way, lets consider performance as "seeking to always get things exactly "right" so that I win".
We have turned every area of our life into a competition against everyone else. This competitive performance turns everything we do into a battle to "perform" the best. This is why failure is so difficult for us, why we cannot learn from it, why we don't want to even consider the possibility of it. It is why we walk through life never saying what we really think, scared that other people might judge us as "losing the race" or as a bad person because we actually are real and we have real problems and have to deal with real issues. God forbid we fall short of a goal, or that we fail to "be the best".
Performance is useful when it is done because it is who you are... and not just to "get it right".
Think about the most successful people in history! Ronald Reagan never was able to "perform" right... he had some of the lowest approval ratings according to the general public... yet he ended the cold war.
Do you look for the little things everyday that make people think you are bigger and badder than you were designed to be? Does it devastate you when you fail? Are you constantly in search of the next big fad? Do you change the way you talk and dress just so that people will think you are something else?
Remember, most of these actions are ok when they have the right purpose. There is nothing wrong with dressing nice, and nothing wrong with being good at something. It's when you have to drastically change your personal design to be something that it becomes dangerous.
What is so scary is the legacy it leaves. Maybe you can handle the "steroids" of performance. Maybe you can get by with merely calling them "performance enhancers". But look at the wake of people following you who can't. I don't really care what the real steroids have done to Barry Bonds... he is rather insignificant in my life. But when I see all the kids destroying their bodies on drugs to try to be like their hero "BARRY!!!" then it is suddenly a different story.
It's not different in other areas of our lives. How often are you doing the little things that you think you can handle, and maybe they even work for you, but are destroying those that follow you? How often do you leave a wake of dead leaders behind you because you are scared to be real?!!!
Fail TODAY! Unless of course you do it just to make me happy! DO SOMETHING THAT IS REAL! ADMIT YOU ARE SCARED, ADMIT YOU HAVE PAIN, ADMIT YOU ARE HAPPY!!! Whatever it takes to be real with yourself and those around you. That is the only way that we will reclaim ourselves and our leadership from the performance enhancers that strip us of our real strength.
PS. More to come on this... It's the performance mentality that has destroyed what we see as leadership and made us into a bunch of wimpy followers!
You are the Barry Bonds of your world!
You look for every tip and trick to make your "performance" the best of the best! Shoot, many of us even read blogs such as this one, looking for that one tip that is going to push us over the edge.
Here is the problem. The more you look for performance enhancers, the more you stop being you.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing things right! There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things "right"! The problem comes when we sacrifice what is really going on in our life and who we really are to get things "right".
To be sure that semantics don't get in the way, lets consider performance as "seeking to always get things exactly "right" so that I win".
We have turned every area of our life into a competition against everyone else. This competitive performance turns everything we do into a battle to "perform" the best. This is why failure is so difficult for us, why we cannot learn from it, why we don't want to even consider the possibility of it. It is why we walk through life never saying what we really think, scared that other people might judge us as "losing the race" or as a bad person because we actually are real and we have real problems and have to deal with real issues. God forbid we fall short of a goal, or that we fail to "be the best".
Performance is useful when it is done because it is who you are... and not just to "get it right".
Think about the most successful people in history! Ronald Reagan never was able to "perform" right... he had some of the lowest approval ratings according to the general public... yet he ended the cold war.
Do you look for the little things everyday that make people think you are bigger and badder than you were designed to be? Does it devastate you when you fail? Are you constantly in search of the next big fad? Do you change the way you talk and dress just so that people will think you are something else?
Remember, most of these actions are ok when they have the right purpose. There is nothing wrong with dressing nice, and nothing wrong with being good at something. It's when you have to drastically change your personal design to be something that it becomes dangerous.
What is so scary is the legacy it leaves. Maybe you can handle the "steroids" of performance. Maybe you can get by with merely calling them "performance enhancers". But look at the wake of people following you who can't. I don't really care what the real steroids have done to Barry Bonds... he is rather insignificant in my life. But when I see all the kids destroying their bodies on drugs to try to be like their hero "BARRY!!!" then it is suddenly a different story.
It's not different in other areas of our lives. How often are you doing the little things that you think you can handle, and maybe they even work for you, but are destroying those that follow you? How often do you leave a wake of dead leaders behind you because you are scared to be real?!!!
Fail TODAY! Unless of course you do it just to make me happy! DO SOMETHING THAT IS REAL! ADMIT YOU ARE SCARED, ADMIT YOU HAVE PAIN, ADMIT YOU ARE HAPPY!!! Whatever it takes to be real with yourself and those around you. That is the only way that we will reclaim ourselves and our leadership from the performance enhancers that strip us of our real strength.
PS. More to come on this... It's the performance mentality that has destroyed what we see as leadership and made us into a bunch of wimpy followers!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Be Absolute or Be Obsolete!
Change or die! – Tom Peters
Give me Liberty or give me Death! – Patrick Henry
You are either with us, or against us! – George Bush
While you don’t like the abruptness of these leaders, and while you don’t like their political incorrectness, do their statements illicit change in you? It elicits a change, even if that change is polarizing and sends you in the opposite direction.
Our problem with leading is that we are not absolutists! ONLY ABSOLUTISTS ILLICIT CHANGE!
What is an absolutists?
Is it someone who believes there is no middle-ground?
No, that is someone who is ignorant and inconsiderate.
Then what is an absolutist?
I believe absolutists are those who give themselves no middle ground. They believe that the middle ground exists; however, they know that true change for them lies in being forced to make a decision! (After all isn’t that where they get a chance to lead, in their decisions) Therefore, they use their language to force change’s hand in their life.
I’ve discovered that rarely in my life can I stay in the “middle of road”. Instead, I move from one ditch to the other and that keeps me balanced. When I start trying to stay in the middle of the road, I end up stopped there and not moving.
Maybe you are awesome and you don’t need absolutes, but for me to change I cannot allow myself the lackadaisical cushion of the middle ground.
Absolutism forces change! It may not be the direction of change that the author intended, but it polarizes the area into a strict dichotomy that forces us to choose sides.
Think back to when you used to play kickball as a kid, why did you pick captains? Because if you left it up to everyone to just pick then there would be five teams of best friends and still not enough people to play. Instead, we chose captains so that they could force us to take a side. We knew that other relationships and even possibly “better teams” existed in the group, but they still weren’t enough to play ball. Absolutism is the same way… it admits that there are middle ground players that would work well together, but still would not bring about any significant ball-playing/change!
I know countless people who refuse to be absolutists, and they continually are satisfied with the middle-ground that they are currently sitting on!
If you want to truly be a change addict, then you MUST become an absolutist or your WILL become obsolete!
Martin Luther King didn’t win the civil rights battle “conceding” to the middle ground. Churchill didn’t stop Hitler from taking England by giving him middle-ground. Jesus Christ didn’t change an entire world of people by creating a “non-threatening” middle ground!
GREAT CHANGE COMES FROM ABSOLUTE DECISIONS!
Think about today. Have you been an absolutist, or have you been obsolete? Ouch that one hurts me, I’ve been obsolete today.
What exactly are you going to do to change it??? TELL ME ABOUT IT!
Give me Liberty or give me Death! – Patrick Henry
You are either with us, or against us! – George Bush
While you don’t like the abruptness of these leaders, and while you don’t like their political incorrectness, do their statements illicit change in you? It elicits a change, even if that change is polarizing and sends you in the opposite direction.
Our problem with leading is that we are not absolutists! ONLY ABSOLUTISTS ILLICIT CHANGE!
What is an absolutists?
Is it someone who believes there is no middle-ground?
No, that is someone who is ignorant and inconsiderate.
Then what is an absolutist?
I believe absolutists are those who give themselves no middle ground. They believe that the middle ground exists; however, they know that true change for them lies in being forced to make a decision! (After all isn’t that where they get a chance to lead, in their decisions) Therefore, they use their language to force change’s hand in their life.
I’ve discovered that rarely in my life can I stay in the “middle of road”. Instead, I move from one ditch to the other and that keeps me balanced. When I start trying to stay in the middle of the road, I end up stopped there and not moving.
Maybe you are awesome and you don’t need absolutes, but for me to change I cannot allow myself the lackadaisical cushion of the middle ground.
Absolutism forces change! It may not be the direction of change that the author intended, but it polarizes the area into a strict dichotomy that forces us to choose sides.
Think back to when you used to play kickball as a kid, why did you pick captains? Because if you left it up to everyone to just pick then there would be five teams of best friends and still not enough people to play. Instead, we chose captains so that they could force us to take a side. We knew that other relationships and even possibly “better teams” existed in the group, but they still weren’t enough to play ball. Absolutism is the same way… it admits that there are middle ground players that would work well together, but still would not bring about any significant ball-playing/change!
I know countless people who refuse to be absolutists, and they continually are satisfied with the middle-ground that they are currently sitting on!
If you want to truly be a change addict, then you MUST become an absolutist or your WILL become obsolete!
Martin Luther King didn’t win the civil rights battle “conceding” to the middle ground. Churchill didn’t stop Hitler from taking England by giving him middle-ground. Jesus Christ didn’t change an entire world of people by creating a “non-threatening” middle ground!
GREAT CHANGE COMES FROM ABSOLUTE DECISIONS!
Think about today. Have you been an absolutist, or have you been obsolete? Ouch that one hurts me, I’ve been obsolete today.
What exactly are you going to do to change it??? TELL ME ABOUT IT!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Challenged to Change - Never Eat Alone
I read alot, but I recommend few books. This book is without a doubt one of the best I've ever read. It will challenge you to build structure to your life that promotes relationship building. It is revolutionizing my life... I suggest you check it out! http://www.ferrazzigreenlight.com/nevereatalone/ Check out the rest of his site as well ... he is certainly a change addict!
And if you aren't a reader... you aren't a change addict! GET OVER IT!
And if you aren't a reader... you aren't a change addict! GET OVER IT!
Contra-Diction
Contra - Diction
Opposing - verbiage
Have you been contradicted today? Have you contradicted yourself?
If you haven't you aren't facing reality!
If you are never contradicted then your world is severely skewed. You lead people who are great followers! I bet they do everything you say and when they fail that affirms how great of a "leader" you are... because you can do it!
The problem is, your world is limited to being like you. You have become the "ruler" of your world! Last time I check, that isn't your job.
Your job is to enforce the "rule" of your King/God/Higher Authority! If you want to be a great leader, you must learn to lead great leaders. Great leaders will not operate by your "rule"! They will follow a higher rule, but they cannot and will not measure themselves by you!
My mother and I always see things from opposite ends. Even when we are saying the same thing! However, it is her contra-diction or her "opposing-language" that will allow me to get the full perspective of each event and opportunity that we work together on. Her contra-diction is one of my most powerful tools.
You must allow people to contradict your personal thought patterns, your personal style, and your personal preference and allow them to be themselves. The only way to truly lead leaders is to let them lead! That demands letting them do things their way and then coaching them along the way.
Start this process today... learn to contradict yourself and stop seeing things from only one perspective! Your influence will increase and so will your effectiveness.
Opposing - verbiage
Have you been contradicted today? Have you contradicted yourself?
If you haven't you aren't facing reality!
If you are never contradicted then your world is severely skewed. You lead people who are great followers! I bet they do everything you say and when they fail that affirms how great of a "leader" you are... because you can do it!
The problem is, your world is limited to being like you. You have become the "ruler" of your world! Last time I check, that isn't your job.
Your job is to enforce the "rule" of your King/God/Higher Authority! If you want to be a great leader, you must learn to lead great leaders. Great leaders will not operate by your "rule"! They will follow a higher rule, but they cannot and will not measure themselves by you!
My mother and I always see things from opposite ends. Even when we are saying the same thing! However, it is her contra-diction or her "opposing-language" that will allow me to get the full perspective of each event and opportunity that we work together on. Her contra-diction is one of my most powerful tools.
You must allow people to contradict your personal thought patterns, your personal style, and your personal preference and allow them to be themselves. The only way to truly lead leaders is to let them lead! That demands letting them do things their way and then coaching them along the way.
Start this process today... learn to contradict yourself and stop seeing things from only one perspective! Your influence will increase and so will your effectiveness.
Looking for help!
This blog is about hearing from multiple voices in leadership today! That does not just mean the "big wigs", I want to hear from you! If you are interested in becoming a writer for Change Addicts I would love to hear from you. You can contact me at kenhendrix24@hotmail.com or the next time you see me.
In the mean time, you can start by letting your friends know about changeaddicts! I am excited to announce in the short time we have been online we have already had over 100 hits from around the world! I look forward to seeing this community grow and to hearing your own fantastic stories and articles from the world of change!
Thanks again for reading and keep on changing!
In the mean time, you can start by letting your friends know about changeaddicts! I am excited to announce in the short time we have been online we have already had over 100 hits from around the world! I look forward to seeing this community grow and to hearing your own fantastic stories and articles from the world of change!
Thanks again for reading and keep on changing!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Braying Asses Make the Best Teachers
You know, I'm learning some things. We all have had to work with people from time to time who are not the easiest to get along with and, at least for me, seemed to be braying asses!
God forbid, but I think He is using them in my life to make me something better! Leading people who are already going in the same direction isn't very difficult! But what about people who are stubborn, hard headed, and LOUD about it? Can you lead them? Can you make them go where you need them to? Can you use their strength and make them into something more?
Or do you just stand there, like I often do, and wish they would shut up and get to work.
Dang, why does God have to use this whole relationship thing... and why do I have to LEAD PEOPLE!!! It would be so much easier all by myself!
God forbid, but I think He is using them in my life to make me something better! Leading people who are already going in the same direction isn't very difficult! But what about people who are stubborn, hard headed, and LOUD about it? Can you lead them? Can you make them go where you need them to? Can you use their strength and make them into something more?
Or do you just stand there, like I often do, and wish they would shut up and get to work.
Dang, why does God have to use this whole relationship thing... and why do I have to LEAD PEOPLE!!! It would be so much easier all by myself!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
!?Leadership?!
What is a leader? Yeah Yeah, I know you've heard that question a hundred times, but really What Is A Leader?
I am beginning to realize that what I have always called leadership really isn't leadership. People who are really in the spotlight and can really DO alot, are more often than not terrible leaders. They have so much confidence in their ability to get the job done on their own, and their ability to "perform", that think they no longer need anyone else and before you know it, no one will follow them!
OUCH! I know that hurts me. It's not about how well I can perform and how much I can get done, those things make me a good worker and a good follower, but not a good leader. Now that is not saying that performance is bad, I believe truly great leaders can perform well, but performance does not equal leadership! Just like a Square is a shape, but not all shapes are squares!
So you can sing really well, you can speak really clearly, you are a "good" servant, you can do everything I ask you to do, but ARE YOU A GOOD LEADER? Does anyone follow you? Do you choose to do tasks because you enjoy them or do you do it because you couldn't get anyone else to do it if you had too!
I'm sick and tired of performance oriented people complaining about not having enough time to do things! I have discovered that leaders never have time and always have time for whatever has to be done! Yes that is an absolute paradox! The truth is, if you are a great leader you will always have more on your plate than should seem possible, however, great leaders know how to take that plate and load others up with the pieces that maximize their gifts and talents and abilities!
If you want to lead, stop carrying all of the weight!
I think in our minds we have equated leading to being out front, and while you can lead from out front, generally only people who want to be just like you will follow. When you learn to lead from behind then people can be themselves and they can actually set a standard that is different and above your own! It's the freedom of identity!
Now I don't have act like you, now I don't have to step in the exact same track as you, but we can still get to the same place, but I can do it using the strategies and techniques that God has gifted me with and you can use the ones that he has gifted you with.
Is your leadership standard warped! Write down the top 3 leaders in your life (not superhumans who you really don't know, I'm talking about people you really see as YOUR LEADER). Now I want you to leave a comment on what you discover is the real reason you think they are leader! Maybe they are and maybe they aren't... just evaluate why you really have placed them as a leader in your life. Does anyone actually follow them? Or are they just really good at something you wish you were good at... if that is the case you want their approval because you have no identity and you need them to give you some identity. Learn to be content within who God made you to be and you will suddenly want others to be themselves too! This life is not about who finishes first, because if that's your perspective, you might as well die now... that way you finish first.
Remember it is LEAD-ership!
I am beginning to realize that what I have always called leadership really isn't leadership. People who are really in the spotlight and can really DO alot, are more often than not terrible leaders. They have so much confidence in their ability to get the job done on their own, and their ability to "perform", that think they no longer need anyone else and before you know it, no one will follow them!
OUCH! I know that hurts me. It's not about how well I can perform and how much I can get done, those things make me a good worker and a good follower, but not a good leader. Now that is not saying that performance is bad, I believe truly great leaders can perform well, but performance does not equal leadership! Just like a Square is a shape, but not all shapes are squares!
So you can sing really well, you can speak really clearly, you are a "good" servant, you can do everything I ask you to do, but ARE YOU A GOOD LEADER? Does anyone follow you? Do you choose to do tasks because you enjoy them or do you do it because you couldn't get anyone else to do it if you had too!
I'm sick and tired of performance oriented people complaining about not having enough time to do things! I have discovered that leaders never have time and always have time for whatever has to be done! Yes that is an absolute paradox! The truth is, if you are a great leader you will always have more on your plate than should seem possible, however, great leaders know how to take that plate and load others up with the pieces that maximize their gifts and talents and abilities!
If you want to lead, stop carrying all of the weight!
I think in our minds we have equated leading to being out front, and while you can lead from out front, generally only people who want to be just like you will follow. When you learn to lead from behind then people can be themselves and they can actually set a standard that is different and above your own! It's the freedom of identity!
Now I don't have act like you, now I don't have to step in the exact same track as you, but we can still get to the same place, but I can do it using the strategies and techniques that God has gifted me with and you can use the ones that he has gifted you with.
Is your leadership standard warped! Write down the top 3 leaders in your life (not superhumans who you really don't know, I'm talking about people you really see as YOUR LEADER). Now I want you to leave a comment on what you discover is the real reason you think they are leader! Maybe they are and maybe they aren't... just evaluate why you really have placed them as a leader in your life. Does anyone actually follow them? Or are they just really good at something you wish you were good at... if that is the case you want their approval because you have no identity and you need them to give you some identity. Learn to be content within who God made you to be and you will suddenly want others to be themselves too! This life is not about who finishes first, because if that's your perspective, you might as well die now... that way you finish first.
Remember it is LEAD-ership!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Abstract Language
Have you ever noticed that you don't understand half of what you say? We use words constantly that we don't understand the meaning of! We say customer service and 50 different meanings come to mind, we say leadership and most of us think of great followers, we say that we are "saved".... what the heck does that mean.
I'm not saying that the words are bad... I'm saying we have no idea what we are saying. It's because we don't have any understanding that we never take action. What does it look like to be a great leader? What does a great leader actually do? Do you do any of those things? It is this level of relationship to the concept that makes it real. This level that brings measurable change. This level that challenges our traditions. If we never ask WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE... WHAT DOES THAT REALLY MEAN... AM I THAT, then we will never act on anything.
Language is abstract and the burden lies upon our shoulders to make it relevant. You must challenge yourself with even the simplest things to ask the questions of what do you really mean and how are you in "Relationship" to that? Our life is about having relevant "real-ationships" with not only ourselves and other people, but also to God's relevant concepts and principles that He wants to use in our lives. This means we must find the location of ourselves to the concepts!
I challenge you to look back and find 3 times you have used a word or a concept today that you really had no idea what it really meant. I guarantee you will find them. Post them ... we all need to know ... and we all love comments!
I'm not saying that the words are bad... I'm saying we have no idea what we are saying. It's because we don't have any understanding that we never take action. What does it look like to be a great leader? What does a great leader actually do? Do you do any of those things? It is this level of relationship to the concept that makes it real. This level that brings measurable change. This level that challenges our traditions. If we never ask WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE... WHAT DOES THAT REALLY MEAN... AM I THAT, then we will never act on anything.
Language is abstract and the burden lies upon our shoulders to make it relevant. You must challenge yourself with even the simplest things to ask the questions of what do you really mean and how are you in "Relationship" to that? Our life is about having relevant "real-ationships" with not only ourselves and other people, but also to God's relevant concepts and principles that He wants to use in our lives. This means we must find the location of ourselves to the concepts!
I challenge you to look back and find 3 times you have used a word or a concept today that you really had no idea what it really meant. I guarantee you will find them. Post them ... we all need to know ... and we all love comments!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Empty Words
What is excitement to you?
Is it positive feelings? Is it contagious enthusiasm? Is it passion?
If so what is enthusiasm... what is passion?
Ever notice how our words get in the way! We often attach our vocabulary to the circumstances and not to the root of the word. For example; I can be excited about getting ice cream and I can be excited about getting married... hopefully those two things are actually different meanings. Our language is so abstract. It does not connect or communicate, it summarizes.
Imagine with me for a moment... close your eyes... Dog... what kind of dog did you see? I saw a dalmation, some of you I'm sure saw a chocolate lab, while others pictured a beautiful cocker spaniel, while others pictured the mutt that keeps tearing up your flower bed. See how empty our words are. That word really had no concrete meaning to you. It simply gave you a referent to a concept but did nothing for defining the concept.
Thus the challenge of true communication. Just think, if 80% of communication is non-verbal and we can't even get the 20% that is verbal to be on the same page... it's no wonder we have no communication.
So how do we overcome our abstractions, our incongruent histories, and our divisive language? It begins in "real-ationship". The earth relates to the sun in a specific orbit, the light over my computer monitor to the keyboard in specific ways. If I can understand the relationship, then I can understand the concept.
If you have challenges with communication, you might need to check on the level of your relationship. Relationship is not friendship, nor is it talking, nor is it spending time with one another. While these may play parts in building relationships, relationship is an understanding of the "real" orientation between two things. The relationship I have with my girlfriend is not based on how great a person I think she is, but on how I see her relating to me and how I relate to her.
THIS DOES NOT MEAN HOW I CAN USE HER. This means that I have a deeper understanding of how she really fits with my life and what that relationship or her orientation causes to manifest in me. Ie. The earth circles the sun because the graviational forces that exist between the two bring a centering and balancing orientation to it.
Therefore, if we want to learn to communicate better in our workplaces, our personal lives, and ultimately with God, then we must find our "real-lationship" (our real orientation) to those areas of our lives. I must know what frustrates me about God. I must know what I don't like and why I don't like it. I must be willing to ask questions when my relationship/orientation to a person or concept does not seem to match the expectation of that person or concept.
This means that often I'm not going to know how to real-late to people. This means I'm going to have to show my ignorance about how people are really designed and made, this means I must find a way to value people beyond the orientation I have to them and begin to value them through an orientation that reveals their REAL value to not only my destiny but God's eternal purpose. Ultimately, it means I have to ask other people questions that I don't have the answers to because I need to know their orientation/relationship to a thing (me).
Remember, ultimately all of our communication becomes clouded with noise and has no real connection to reality. It is merely a summary, a packet of language that tries to re-present the real. Only REAL RELATIONSHIP (real-ationship) can create significant meaning, purposeful/useful communication, and empower us to be effective leaders!
Is it positive feelings? Is it contagious enthusiasm? Is it passion?
If so what is enthusiasm... what is passion?
Ever notice how our words get in the way! We often attach our vocabulary to the circumstances and not to the root of the word. For example; I can be excited about getting ice cream and I can be excited about getting married... hopefully those two things are actually different meanings. Our language is so abstract. It does not connect or communicate, it summarizes.
Imagine with me for a moment... close your eyes... Dog... what kind of dog did you see? I saw a dalmation, some of you I'm sure saw a chocolate lab, while others pictured a beautiful cocker spaniel, while others pictured the mutt that keeps tearing up your flower bed. See how empty our words are. That word really had no concrete meaning to you. It simply gave you a referent to a concept but did nothing for defining the concept.
Thus the challenge of true communication. Just think, if 80% of communication is non-verbal and we can't even get the 20% that is verbal to be on the same page... it's no wonder we have no communication.
So how do we overcome our abstractions, our incongruent histories, and our divisive language? It begins in "real-ationship". The earth relates to the sun in a specific orbit, the light over my computer monitor to the keyboard in specific ways. If I can understand the relationship, then I can understand the concept.
If you have challenges with communication, you might need to check on the level of your relationship. Relationship is not friendship, nor is it talking, nor is it spending time with one another. While these may play parts in building relationships, relationship is an understanding of the "real" orientation between two things. The relationship I have with my girlfriend is not based on how great a person I think she is, but on how I see her relating to me and how I relate to her.
THIS DOES NOT MEAN HOW I CAN USE HER. This means that I have a deeper understanding of how she really fits with my life and what that relationship or her orientation causes to manifest in me. Ie. The earth circles the sun because the graviational forces that exist between the two bring a centering and balancing orientation to it.
Therefore, if we want to learn to communicate better in our workplaces, our personal lives, and ultimately with God, then we must find our "real-lationship" (our real orientation) to those areas of our lives. I must know what frustrates me about God. I must know what I don't like and why I don't like it. I must be willing to ask questions when my relationship/orientation to a person or concept does not seem to match the expectation of that person or concept.
This means that often I'm not going to know how to real-late to people. This means I'm going to have to show my ignorance about how people are really designed and made, this means I must find a way to value people beyond the orientation I have to them and begin to value them through an orientation that reveals their REAL value to not only my destiny but God's eternal purpose. Ultimately, it means I have to ask other people questions that I don't have the answers to because I need to know their orientation/relationship to a thing (me).
Remember, ultimately all of our communication becomes clouded with noise and has no real connection to reality. It is merely a summary, a packet of language that tries to re-present the real. Only REAL RELATIONSHIP (real-ationship) can create significant meaning, purposeful/useful communication, and empower us to be effective leaders!
Pocket Change
Change in your pocket.
As leaders we all have pockets and the more change I have in my pocket, the more influence I have.
I think this is a generally wide-held belief among leaders.
However, I watch leader after leader waste change. Failure to plan, pitiful organization, and a lack of real pursuit are the general change wasters.
What are 5 timesin the past week you have wasted change? I know I can count alot more than 5 that I have!
Now write down 2 things you can change today, to keep that change in your pocket, and post them on your monitor!
Great leaders' pockets run deep!
As leaders we all have pockets and the more change I have in my pocket, the more influence I have.
I think this is a generally wide-held belief among leaders.
However, I watch leader after leader waste change. Failure to plan, pitiful organization, and a lack of real pursuit are the general change wasters.
What are 5 timesin the past week you have wasted change? I know I can count alot more than 5 that I have!
Now write down 2 things you can change today, to keep that change in your pocket, and post them on your monitor!
Great leaders' pockets run deep!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Embalming Fluid
Don't you just hate the stale atmosphere of a funeral home? It's that disturbing fragrance of bland embalmed death. You leave and your entire body has been penetrated with a stagnant gag, brought on from the subtle reek of formaldehyde.
Don't blame the funeral home, it just reminds you of your problem! Your problem is that your entire life has become a poisonous embalmed carcass. You reek of stagnant death and your stench clings to everyone you come in contact with.
Now that you are mad, let's go back to when and how you died.
Actually, it died before you were born. No this isn't some deep spiritual journey, but it is a serious look at where it all went wrong. What once gave you and I purpose was the "body" politic. (the political structures of life and governance that we were forced to participate in out of survival)
Our importance to the rest of mankind could be discovered in the daily confrontations and resolutions that resulted from being a part of that body politic.
Today our "body" is dead and hacked up. The few interactions we do have are splintered and superficial - certainly no place for marrow and real life. TV divides us from reality, email divides from reality, even this blog does not bring back the fullness of the body!
We could all gripe about the evils of a world of isolation. However, as bad as isolation is, it is not my point today!
My problem is the funeral home I have created to preserve the dead body. As if possessed with a necromancer dream of communing with the dead, we pump gallon after gallon of deadly "formal-de-hyde" into our dead structures to preserve them. Our systems and structures no longer have any guts, we've siphoned them into clay pots and replaced them with cotton fluff and sickening limp spatter that we call politics.
It is time to leave our "damned" things and re-discover our guts, our life, our PASSION! Sever your ties to that old crap you called business, the butt kissing you called politics, and the waste of time you called church!
Yeah, I think "life" is out there, but I know for danged sure it ain't in "here", this current place we think is so great!
Stop worrying about re-animating your dead boss of your limp co-worker. Find some life, get some guts, and bring life back to YOUR POLITIC!
After all, the Greeks said "bios" (purposeful life) was in participating with the polis. Find your polis, your axis, your center and LIVE! It takes your giving yourself away to that polis. Trust me, you give it all to the polis and that polis will give you life! (bios!)
Don't blame the funeral home, it just reminds you of your problem! Your problem is that your entire life has become a poisonous embalmed carcass. You reek of stagnant death and your stench clings to everyone you come in contact with.
Now that you are mad, let's go back to when and how you died.
Actually, it died before you were born. No this isn't some deep spiritual journey, but it is a serious look at where it all went wrong. What once gave you and I purpose was the "body" politic. (the political structures of life and governance that we were forced to participate in out of survival)
Our importance to the rest of mankind could be discovered in the daily confrontations and resolutions that resulted from being a part of that body politic.
Today our "body" is dead and hacked up. The few interactions we do have are splintered and superficial - certainly no place for marrow and real life. TV divides us from reality, email divides from reality, even this blog does not bring back the fullness of the body!
We could all gripe about the evils of a world of isolation. However, as bad as isolation is, it is not my point today!
My problem is the funeral home I have created to preserve the dead body. As if possessed with a necromancer dream of communing with the dead, we pump gallon after gallon of deadly "formal-de-hyde" into our dead structures to preserve them. Our systems and structures no longer have any guts, we've siphoned them into clay pots and replaced them with cotton fluff and sickening limp spatter that we call politics.
It is time to leave our "damned" things and re-discover our guts, our life, our PASSION! Sever your ties to that old crap you called business, the butt kissing you called politics, and the waste of time you called church!
Yeah, I think "life" is out there, but I know for danged sure it ain't in "here", this current place we think is so great!
Stop worrying about re-animating your dead boss of your limp co-worker. Find some life, get some guts, and bring life back to YOUR POLITIC!
After all, the Greeks said "bios" (purposeful life) was in participating with the polis. Find your polis, your axis, your center and LIVE! It takes your giving yourself away to that polis. Trust me, you give it all to the polis and that polis will give you life! (bios!)
Stepping Stones
Do you remember as a little kid always trying to jump from one stone to the next? It was always fun for me to try to make that "giiiiant" leap from the stone I was on to the next one on the path. It's funny to think back on it now, I could spend hours just jumping from one stone to the next with a youthful enthusiasm that made me love the most mundane of tasks.
As I focus on the challenges I face, I see that I am still like that little kid jumping from one stone to the next. The problem is I keep trying to jump to the stone about ten away and not the next one on my path. Then when I fall off I end up frustrated and end up with skinned knees.
I'm all for stretching yourself and reaching out for new things. However, I think the first step in that is realizing where you are and what the next step is.
Here's a test to see if you are still jumping to the next stone. . .
Are you totally focused on that next leap?
Can you see all the details of that next stone in your life?
Are you bending down to get the most momentum so you jump with both feet to the next stone, or are you still trying to leave one foot on the old stone?
Are mundane tasks fun and exciting?
Have you fallen down lately? (If not you are standing still.)
Are you sweaty and a little bit chaffed from the way you keep jumping? (really uncomfortable)
Have you ran over anyone trying to jump to the next stone? (I used to do this all the time because I would get so focused on the stone that I would forget about everything else, maybe you should runover more people.)
Did you pass or fail this test? If you haven't tried leaping with both feet in a while then you are shooting too high, if you haven't fallen then you are standing still. Both are terrible places to be. Aiming to far away will lead to just standing still.
I dare ya, to get real with yourself. Do you think you are somewhere you aren't? Have you convinced other people that you are somewhere you aren't? If you convince people you are somewhere you aren't then guess what... THEY WILL NEVER FIND YOU!
SO GET DISCOVERED! LOCATE YOURSELF AND THEN AIM FOR THE NEXT STEPPING STONE.
and if you get in my way just be ready to get pushed!
As I focus on the challenges I face, I see that I am still like that little kid jumping from one stone to the next. The problem is I keep trying to jump to the stone about ten away and not the next one on my path. Then when I fall off I end up frustrated and end up with skinned knees.
I'm all for stretching yourself and reaching out for new things. However, I think the first step in that is realizing where you are and what the next step is.
Here's a test to see if you are still jumping to the next stone. . .
Are you totally focused on that next leap?
Can you see all the details of that next stone in your life?
Are you bending down to get the most momentum so you jump with both feet to the next stone, or are you still trying to leave one foot on the old stone?
Are mundane tasks fun and exciting?
Have you fallen down lately? (If not you are standing still.)
Are you sweaty and a little bit chaffed from the way you keep jumping? (really uncomfortable)
Have you ran over anyone trying to jump to the next stone? (I used to do this all the time because I would get so focused on the stone that I would forget about everything else, maybe you should runover more people.)
Did you pass or fail this test? If you haven't tried leaping with both feet in a while then you are shooting too high, if you haven't fallen then you are standing still. Both are terrible places to be. Aiming to far away will lead to just standing still.
I dare ya, to get real with yourself. Do you think you are somewhere you aren't? Have you convinced other people that you are somewhere you aren't? If you convince people you are somewhere you aren't then guess what... THEY WILL NEVER FIND YOU!
SO GET DISCOVERED! LOCATE YOURSELF AND THEN AIM FOR THE NEXT STEPPING STONE.
and if you get in my way just be ready to get pushed!
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Dangerous Minds
I have decided that the world is full of wonderful blogs about wonderful topics, about wonderful ways to be wonderful people. So I decided to create this blog. The antithesis of everything wonderful. This blog is designed to make you uncomfortable, to addict you to change, to violently interrupt your "wonderful world". I expect you to become angry about what you hear, impatient with the inflexibility, and enraged by the brazen nature of this blog's content. However, in the long run I know you will be addicted to the change that this revolution will force in your life.
Prepare yourself to become a dangerous mind. What exactly does it mean to be a dangerous mind?
Some say it means you have great ideas that are "outside" of the box.
For others it means that you are equipped with knowledge that is dangerous to some people.
For others I think it means coming from a different background that creates a mind that is able to see things differently.
While all of these may be right in someone's mind I THINK ITS BULL!
A Dangerous Mind has nothing to do with knowledge, nothing to do with ability, nothing to do with being "outside the box" and certainly nothing to do with your history.
A Dangerous Mind - "The ability to use your mind to take any situational circumstances and make them dangerous to the "safety" of traditional thought, impotent ideas, and powerless "religious" routines."
Are you a dangerous mind?
If not .... keep reading.
Prepare yourself to become a dangerous mind. What exactly does it mean to be a dangerous mind?
Some say it means you have great ideas that are "outside" of the box.
For others it means that you are equipped with knowledge that is dangerous to some people.
For others I think it means coming from a different background that creates a mind that is able to see things differently.
While all of these may be right in someone's mind I THINK ITS BULL!
A Dangerous Mind has nothing to do with knowledge, nothing to do with ability, nothing to do with being "outside the box" and certainly nothing to do with your history.
A Dangerous Mind - "The ability to use your mind to take any situational circumstances and make them dangerous to the "safety" of traditional thought, impotent ideas, and powerless "religious" routines."
Are you a dangerous mind?
If not .... keep reading.
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