Ok Life is hectic and I'm making excuses!

Ok so I haven't posted in quite some time. I want to thank Paul for his continued support and sending me some fantastic posts. Christmas time has been rather busy for me... and I've also been a little bummed that less of you have been posting. If this is going to be a center for change and transformation, then I expect someone to challenge something that somebody says!

Apathy kills. It kills when you sit and watch someone else do something stupid, it kills when you let people fall away from their core and you just sit idly by.

So yes I'm making excuses for not posting... so don't let me! Call me out on the carpet. Don't let me quit! Otherwise I just think I'm not very missed and why bother. And if that IS the case then I will continue to not post! LOL

So don't let your apathy kill me and I won't let mine kill you!

Heroes...

Ever wonder why a TV show called Heroes can become the most popular thing going?

Why now? Why this generation?

We will talk more and more about this... but the first question I have is Who is your favorite hero (or heroine)? I wanna know!

I'm finding that I love the rugged western outlaw type that plays both side of the law and determines his own brand of "justice"...hmmmm sounds similar to me...

I wonder if we all live our lives vicariously through our hero... or if the hero lives his life vicariously through us?

I watched the new tv show 3 lbs last night. I really like the show... but it was missing something. For me it wasn't believable... it was too perfect. It's like the 1st Matrix that Mr. Smith talked about that was utopian and perfect... yet everyone rejected it.

The doc just tells the patient her chances of living and dying and click she decides to do it. (the surgery involved stopping her heart) ... ok I don't care how much faith I have in doc... I'm gonna think about that one for a minute! It seemed like a tv show and not like real life. The odd thing is that there are alot of details that would make it more like real life that I don't mind it leaving out ... like the woman having to shave her head for surgery and those kinds of things my mind just lets them slip by and doesn't have an issue with... but the accuracy of the emotion ... that peeves me.

I guess I wondered a touch from just "heroes" but the point is that I think we find metaphors of our life on tv. I've heard accusations that we live vicariously through tv but I think the real danger is that TV lives vicariously through us. So the "decrepit" state of television today is merely a mild reflection of the reality that is us. .... scary thought.

PS I still want to know your favorite superhero.... I was always a Batman fan myself (or Spawn).

Idle Time

paul said...

24 hours in a day. 7 days in a week. 52 weeks in a year. How many years in a life? How much living in a life? How much idle time, conversation and action? Can you afford it? Idle always seemed innocent to me until I dug in a bit. I think it may be one of the greatest enemies we as people will ever face. It's like AIDS or cancer. It's a silent killer.

Def: Idle–adjective
1. not working or active; unemployed; doing nothing
2. not spent or filled with activity
3. not in use or operation; not kept busy
4. habitually doing nothing or avoiding work
5. of no real worth, importance, or significance
6. having no basis or reason; baseless; groundless
7. frivolous; vain
8. meaningless; senseless
9. futile; unavailing

Thanks Paul for this fantastic reminder and for posting! I look forward to many more!

SWAMPED!!!`

Swamped!!! HELP!!! I NEED WRITERS!!!

I'm sure you have noticed the recent drop in frequency of posts here at change addicts. I apologize repeatedly for not getting more posts up, but I have been swamped! More time wasters at work and more meetings when I'm not at work!

I need writers. Many of you frequently contribute fantastic comments and I want to encourage you to go one step further. Please... even if you don't think you are a good writer... post to me! I would love to see a bounty of ideas flow through this place.

It's in the group supply... not in mine alone. So either post as a comment to this post, or contact me at kenhendrix24@hotmail.com and I will add you as a contributer. Thanks again for listening and I can't wait to hear your thoughts and ideas.

What stifles passion?

What Stifles Passion?

- A lack of release.
- Confining Structure (physical, situational, and emotional).
- Fear.
- Someone else seizing the moment.
- Routines.
- Too big of a place.
- We say we don’t want the one man show, yet we never make room for anything else.
- A lack of site and purpose.
- A lack of size of vision (understanding of the size).
- Too many people for “too” small a task.
- A lack of direction. Targets are required.
- Aspiration without activation.
- A lack of importance.

Who made violence bad?

Who made violence bad?

Ever thought about it? I guess we should start by defining violence...

According to dictionary.com

vi‧o‧lence  [vahy-uh-luhns] –noun
1. swift and intense force: the violence of a storm.

There are 2 critical pieces of information in this definition.

It is a noun.... violence is a noun! It is not an action... Often violence creates images of actions that we often associate with violence, but those are seperate actions. They are not violence.

Secondly it is swift and intense force. It is a noun that is swift and intense. Boy doesn't that rock your thoughts of violent people.

For me it clarified what it means for me to BE VIOLENT. The bible says that since the time of John the Baptist the Kingdom of God suffereth violence, but the Violent TAKE IT BY FORCE.

Therefore, if I am going to truly be a radical agent of the kingdom, then I must BE, not momentarily in action... but I must be (a noun is a being thing) a SWIFT & INTENSE FORCE!

Are you violent enough? Are you swift and intense? Or are just some of your actions swift and intense?

One difference in the Islamics and the Buddhist, is that they have figured out how to BE violent, not just ACT violent. They ARE swift and intense! You cannot seperate them from it!

ARE you swift and intense? ARE YOU VIOLENT?

Ruling the world can be a depressing job

Sometimes it is easy to fall into a funk. And not the cool kind from the 70's, but the kind that boxes you in, gets you into or out of your groove. Sometimes getting into your groove is a problem and other times it's getting out of your groove that's a problem.

So let me start by apologizing for the inconsistent posts from last week. I've been FUNKY hahaha.

I guess sometimes knowing you should be ruling the world and having to sit and answer phones at a seemingly dead end job seems a little pointless. Don't know if you've been there or not but it can be a difficult place... Enough of my pity party and on to changing the world.

I have a question... and you will hear alot about this in weeks to come.

What makes Islam such a rampant and viable religion?
Hint: It Ain't 40 virgins waiting in heaven!


What makes Buddhism and Zen the Religion of Thinking Leaders?
Hint: It ain't a little fat man with 3 eyes!


What makes Christianity the slowest growing (in the U.S.) of all of the major religions?
Hint: It might have something to do with "the reason you get saved is to go to heaven"!


Let me hear what you think!
And if you don't comment I'm hunting you down ... you will regret it LOL!

Back In Da' Day

The following is an interlude from the mind of Vickie Bowman.

BACK IN DA’ DAY . . .

Change- such a sweet & innocent word . . . until its required of you!

My life has never been completely without the hardships of change. For example, as a pre-teen I had myself convinced that was going to die of cancer. Yep, that’s right. I was sure that I had two painful, malignant tumors growing & eating painfully away at my bodacious body. Imagine the headache my mama had trying to convince me that it was just puberty & hormones, developmental change, running its course so that I could have breasts. Who knew?

But change wasn’t always such a devastating event. In fact, my whole life took a one hundred-and-eighty degree turn the year of 1996. I was an intelligent & beautiful eleven year old, and believe it or not, eleven was a HUGE year for me. I had decided prior to starting school that year [as a seventh grader] that nothing was worth anything! According to statistics, since I was a young African American girl raised by her single-parent mother in the middle of a low-income community, I was bound to be delinquent & pregnant by the age of seventeen. My biological father didn’t want me, so surely I wasn’t worth anything. My uncle was sexually abusing me for the seventh year in a row, so surely Hell was lined up around the corner waiting to take a stab at me. “What’s the use?!” & “Why try?” were my new approaches to life. Needless to say, that in addition to the sudden flood of hormones & confusion Middle School served, I was- in a nut-shell- a HOT MESS!

Did it stay that way? Yep, for about a month & then it seemed as if God flipped a switch that year & in came “The People,” a group of individuals that influenced great change in my life simply by caring, supporting & not pitying me. This team consisted of five major people- my Mama, the CEO & my consistent support at home, Marie Hendrix, the coolest lady with a gray afro I’d ever met in my life & the consistent support at church, & three school teachers, my consistent source of support at school: Lucy Floyd, my science teacher, Tammy Bellamy, my language arts teacher & Mr. Meadors, my social studies teacher. Each day with them, the “woe is me” attitude I’d started the year with desolated as a glimmer of hope begin to flicker in me concerning my future. After a few months, the glimmer turned into a glow that overshadowed the grim circumstances I faced. However, they didn’t disappear, though. My father still wanted nothing to do with me. Statistics stuck with the “hard, cold truth.” And, none of them, including my mother, knew anything about the sexual abuse I endured throughout the entire school year. Some how, those thing didn’t matter anymore & the process of change I though was killing at one point in my life, proved to be a life saver & stepping stone to the success I am today.

What about you guys? We’re all addicts of change, but at what point in your life did you become addicted to change? When were you marked by change? Who & what influenced you?

Shaking the World - When strategy meets Reality!

I am actually out of town today... and I only have a few minutes to post so I'll keep it short and sweet.

I had an opportunity to begin to listen to a series of messages by Lance Wallnau today. I haven't been this excited in years. I can finally see a purpose behind the strategic thinking that drives most people crazy. I found another piece of the niche I am designed for. I now know why I think in years instead of days. Why I want to be planning 3 years from now more than I do next week. I may be a freak, but at least I'm a freak with purpose. You will be hearing more and more in the coming weeks about what I heard today, but right now I want to soak in it a little more.

Let me just introduce it as the most Strategic moment of reality that I have heard in recent years. It is the most intentional description of the kingdom reality and its practical application that I have heard. The way I have understood the Kingdom of God, has always related me to my small part in the Kingdom. What I need to do on a day to day basis to be a Kingdom Heir, however this series of messages is viral. It has completely changed my perspective on what the Kingdom is and what it will take for us to see it. It will demand strategic initiatives that will see the entire kingdom equipped with specific tools and a in depth strategic plan for "WORLD DOMINATION". Dr Evil has nothing on me LOL! I now know without a shadow of a doubt that I am designed to help build that plan! I have been built as a piece to develop practical strategies for arming, training, and aiming people!

So, how does this apply to you? You have a piece as well! You have a part in taking the kingdom. Whether it is business, arts, education, politics, or any other mountain that you want to take, scout, or infiltrate you have a place. Your success is not seperate from your "spiritual life". There are places that you are called to that do not fit inside of the traditional mold of "spiritual callings", but there is one thing about it, when you find your place you are one bad motor scooter! You will know that you know that you know that you have discovered a piece of the puzzle that is yours!

Seth Godin - Killers

Seth Godin shares what not only kills marketing creativity, but I believe is what kills business visionaries. The things he mentions will limit and disarm any progressive thinker within your organization! Do you suffer from these?



The two things that kill marketing creativity
The first is fear.

The fear that you'll have to implement whatever you dream up.
The fear that you will fail.
The fear that you will do something stupid and be ridiculed by your peers for decades.
The fear that you'll get fired.
The fear that there will be an unanticipated backlash associated with your idea.
The fear of change.
The fear of missing out on the thing you won't be able to do if you do this.

The second is a lack of imagination.

I believe that every single person I've met in this profession is capable of astounding creativity. That you, and everyone else for that matter, is able to dream up something radical and viral and yes, remarkable. So why doesn't it happen more often? Sure, fear is a big part, but it's also a lack of imagination.

Basically, most people don't believe something better can occur. They believe that the status quo is also the best they can do. So they don't look. They don't push. They don't ask, "what else?" and "what now?" They settle.

Fear is an emotion and it's impossible to counter an emotion with logic. So you need to mount emotional arguments for why your fear of the new is the thing you truly need to fear.

As for the second issue, just knowing it exists ought to be enough. Once you realize you're settling, it may just be enough to get you wondering... wondering whether maybe, just maybe, something better is behind curtain number 2.

Can a Leader be a Follower?

I know the religous answer to this question. Yes.... but since we have redefined leaders and followers... once you are a leader and once everything matters can you revert to just not caring? Can you actually will yourself back to a place of merely being a follower?

I guess a better question is AM I AN IDIOT for not being able to just sit back and let what happens happen and me not give any supply whatsoever into it? As a leader when I am put in a situation, not to submit, but to become merely a follower, someone who doesn't give input but merely follows directions I really have trouble doing it. I think because everything I do matters to me, that if I am put in the position to where I cannot at least exert my supply into what I am doing then I have a really really hard time.

Maybe it is just still more of my possesive flesh nature dying out... but I just have a hard time believing that "impotence" in what I do is God's plan for me. Some of this is me venting but I really don't believe that I can be THIS dissatisfied without some deeper reason. But then again maybe I can... Patience is a virtue so I guess I'll know when I'm supposed to know!

Apology

I wanted to apologize for not posting on Thursday or Friday, I had trouble accessing the blogger server to post. We will pick things back up again on Monday! I hope you take this opportunity to look back over some of the previous posts and really think about them. See ya on Monday!

The Leader/Team Conundrum

Have you noticed how our definitions... even our redefinitions of leadership have difficulty working in the confines of the concept of a team. It is still very much focused on being aware of a thing and then taking action to "lead" in what you are aware of.

But how can this function within a team?

If we truly want team input, then are we not stiffling the innovative and spontaneous leader?

How do we balance this see-saw of individual awareness with team perspective?

I know that in this area I am only beginning to understand the very basics of this balance but so far the main key seems to be processes.

If a structure and processes can be built that encourage individual innovation, but then has a structure for facilitating this spontaneity, then leaders can truly be activated. Most of us are still thinking that teamwork demands decisions by the team as a whole. We are preaching a divided "gospel". We demand leadership in our team members but then don't allow them to act on the things they become aware of.

To lead effective teams, then we MUST find ways to activate them with systems and processes that shape and direct their awareness, not stifle their passion and action.

That means 3 radical perceptions must be prevalent.
1. Unquestionable support from the top.
Team members must know that without a doubt, they have the full support of their leadership. This means from the thought processes they use to make decisions to the tools and equipments they would use to implement the decisions that are made. They must know that you support their innovation and their creativity! You MUST, MUST, MUST be willing to relinquish control, allow mistakes, and trust your team.

2. Implement Radical Measures for RAPID idea development.
No more holding the reins to keep things steady. Unleash the beast. Let them run as hard and as fast as they can. When they overstep their bounds, correct them, ENCOURAGE THEM THAT THEIR PASSION IS APPRECIATED, then put them in charge of developing the next phase that they missed! YOU MUST REWARD REAL LEADERSHIP! Team player is a bull crap word that we have come up with. Real Team players make baskets, shoot goals, and know how to handle the ball! Even the best team players want the ball when the game is on the line... and on my team I don't want it any other way.

3. Tell Stories of Revolutionary Heroes!
Tell stories of heroes that screwed up completely out of their zeal. Idolize them if you have to. Talk about the heroes who gave up their weeknight to come radically change a problem they saw. Who didn't waste time waiting on meetings and decisions to get something done. Then provide the team you are encouraging (and the hero if you lead them) with a system of support for their decisions! STOP SHOOTING YOUR HEROES!!! To often we get upset and lopp off the heads of our best leaders because they broke the "chain of command" or because they didn't "work with the team". Most likely the reason they didn't is because no effective SYSTEM is setup/or has been made known for them to "submit" their ideas.

It's Time for real leadership teams to arise and playing paddy-cake with manipulative, controlling and limiting systems WILL NOT WORK!!

Up with the Flags you Crazy HEROES!!!

Blah Blah Blah

Blah blah blah blah blah wookie blah wookie wookie blah blah boo boo blah. Blah gack blah gack blah gack blah. WOokie blouie blahb blabh grapf da da.

Don't worry your computer isn't fritzing out.

That is the problem with communication. I can tell you exactly what I was seeing. I can share in (what I think is) detail what I was seeing... and all you hear is blah blah blah wookie blah blah blah.

Someone asked me recently who's fault it was when these miscommunications happen... The answer that I can truly arive at is no one directly. It is the problem of the medium. I cannot put you in my body and let you see what I see.

How do we fix it? Well we can't fix the medium, but understanding it gives us the pieces to know possible ways around it. Pursuit becomes the only answer, and not just by the hearer. As the speaker and communicator we must pursue what our "audience" is understanding. We must be sure that they see things from the same perspective that we do.

Then we must be willing to drop our perspective and empathize with theirs.

IT'S HARD AS ALL GET OUT! BUT IT'S worth it.

The final key is you have to be brutally honest. When you feel like someone is blowing smoke at you, you have to tell them. Not that they are blowing smoke at you, but that that is how you feel. You must believe that their heart is not to be an idiot, and that no one wants to intentionally cause you problems, but that they have something inside that really sees their perspective as the right one. Go after that and you will see Blah blah blah blah blah bllack and white. It will become clearer and clearer and the stronger and more honest the relationship, the quicker it is to get to clear communication!

Looking for ideas...

I can write a blog everyday for the rest of my life and never run out of ideas... but I want to know what you are interested in. Therefore... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BLOG ABOUT... doesn't mean you want get whatever I'm feeling, but I want to know what you have questions, comments, or are passionate about.

Post away... I can't wait to find out!

Yes it's more on leadership

Leadership... it's not what you think.

I have decided that leadership is not about what we have always thought it was about. It is not about the dominating direction setting characteristics that we have always given it.

Leadership, as it has always been, is influence. It just so happens that in most situations that the dominant, command centering, vision setting person is the one who leads best, however...

I watched this week as a team of leaders... STRONG LEADERS... fell apart. They are great individuals. They can do anything you ask them to by themselves. They can come up with vision, strategy, purpose, ANYTHING that you need. But put them together and they fall apart. The fact is that they are great leaders as long as they are leading followers. The problem comes when they are no longer leading followers, but leading leaders. It's a whole new ballgame. Everything they thought they knew about leadership just got turned on its ear.

The person who ended up being the greatest leader in my eyes was the person who barely said a word. The one who sat quietly and observed. I know one thing.. he was thinking.

And until the leaders around him discover that the key is there then it will just sit there quietly. He won't actually be leading, but he will be waiting, holding the key that will unlock them. However, he isn't able... correction ... he isn't allowed to release that key for all the aggressive "leaders" around him. (IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO or WHAT I'm talking about THINK AGAIN)

Leadership is influence, but when leading leaders you must find a new way to influence. You must find a way to value their supply and then build that supply into the whole. If you have to have your way, if you cannot allow other people to fail, if you have to win... you aren't gonna make it as a leader nor as a team.

Leaders hate to fail, yet it is the only way that you can lead real leaders. Give them the chance to fail. No more hotshots, no more lone rangers, no more supermen... Become a team... or die.

I'm feeling poetic

I'm just feeling poetic... just be sure you look deeper than my AMAZING WRITING ABILITY (yes for those of you who miss subtleties... that is sarcasm).

Riddle me this and Riddle me that
I may not be afraid of the big black bat,
Alone in the dark I can boldly stand
no shivers no fear, no need of weapon in hand,

but put me in a room with a crowd full of leaders
my stomach it turns and my hands they quiver
not from fear of stage nor fright of their might
but by my own insecurity glaring in the spotlight

My inability to lead, will it be reavealed...
or can I keep my facade up and keep all sealed
I know I'll fight and come on real strong
or maybe keep my mouth shut and make it back home

Balance I seek, yet falling I fail, the problem;
aim for center and you will wind up on your tail
you must overcompensate, ignore what critics say
throw to the right and your balance will stay

push to the left and dive to the right
maybe a left hook, even a right
it's the action that brings balance
and keeps me upright

yet somewhere inside a voice always rings
you really can't do it, you just make a big scene
you really are fake, one day they'll know
one day you'll mess up and away it will go

I fight and I fight, escape ne'r I see
the voice of conscience? weakness? or insecurity?
I sit here and ponder and I will stand there and glare
not from frustration but from the question "Do you dare?"

Wounds...

Let me begin by apologizing for not posting on friday... I had something unexpected come up that did not allow me to get around a computer to get it done.

Now with that out of the way I need to know something... HAVE YOU BEEN HURT LATELY?

I want to talk about the subject of friendship. In our modern society, we have turned friendship. Friends have become acquaintances that prop up our need for attention. A GREAT friend in our society is the one that offers you them most benefits in return for the least "cost". They are always "there for you". They never "let you down". Your friend "has your back".

STOP WAIT HOLD THE TRAIN!!! Since when did friendship become about any of these things. These are fance terms for saying that a friend is always there to serve YOU, help YOU, make YOU feel good. I have slight objection to that. Let me rephrase that... I have STRONG OBJECTION to that.

Proverbs tells me that "the wounds of a friend are faithful!". WOUNDS I TELL YOU, WOUNDS!!! I heard someone tell me that if they were going to work with someone they needed to know that they would get in the foxhole with them and that they needed to know they had their back. I disagree. In the army, they don't look for friends who have your back, they look for friends that will shove you up the hill to take over the dang thing. They know that sitting in the foxhole will only end up getting the both of you killed. And they know that the best way they can have your backside is to kick it!

It's the wounds that friends have given me in my life that cause me the greatest pain, and the greatest victory! It is when my best friend tells me that he can't stand me because I have no ability to talk to people, it's when someone calls me out and tells me that I am brazen and obnoxious... those are the moments that don't feel good at all, but mark me! It's when I'm in the middle of one of the most intense moments in my life and someone calls me on a little thing that I am overlooking... those are the things that mark me. They are what cause me to live my life about something other than myself. That, is where I develop the character to be a REAL LEADER.

To summarize, WOUNDS HURT, they are obnoxious and they leave some ugly scars. However, the wounds of a friend are faithful. They are enduring and a real friend will wound me because he/she is FULL OF FAITH (faithful) in me.

So do you actually have any real friends? Do you really? When was the last time you let one of them stab you in the back...? Did you run away when they did, or did you let them cut out the lump of flesh that was holding you back?

I'm not saying your friend's wounds are always a deep spiritual thing that is done exactly according to "God's plan", but I do know that even when done wrongly, they are faithful...

Do you have any visible scars..? Do you have any REAL FRIENDS?

Life should have more Frosts

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20




I'm sure you've read it before, yet its simplicity still shakes me to my core. Which road did you take?

Seperation? Part 2 Is it possible

So many fantastic answers... yet I'm still so confused.

Ok here is what you have helped me realize. That the problem is that what I do does dictate who I am ***PRESENTLY***. It does not dictate the positional truth of WHO I AM.

For example, just because you are presently fat, does not mean that you are designed to be fat. It simply means that is your present condition.

I think what I should have asked more specificially is how do I seperate what I do from Who I am SUPPOSED TO BE. I agree that in a perfect world and if I were perfect they would be one and the same, however we all know that neither one of those conditions exist. So how do I divide it?

Some possible answers swirling inside of me ...

You can't seperate the too, but the only thing you can change is the doing, so begin to work on the little things in the doing and it will indicate the large who...

It is possible to seperate the two, but it demands relationships with people that can see me beyond what I do. That are willing to suffer my ignorant doing to draw out the REAL ME.

It is possible and it demands a visitation from God, where he sits and tells you who you are supposed to be... yes this seems a little drastic... but I'm just not shutting out any possibilities yet. I know alot of people who claim to know "who they are supposed to be" that way.


You don't have to critique my thoughts... but fire away with new answers!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T pt 2

Self-respect -> the outward expression of valuing myself

About 5 months ago, I hit reality at full speed when I had to accept the fact that one of my best friends was getting married on my birthday. And yes, I was one of the bridesmaids. I was bitter and pouty about it until 2 days before the wedding. Reality was – I didn’t think I was valuable enough for those around me to value (or respect) me AND the happy couple at the same time. If I didn’t value myself, how can I expect other people to value me?

Two days before the wedding, I discovered, for myself, that I am valuable. It gave me a new reason to celebrate my birthday. My birthday isn’t about getting all the attention and presents and compliments and whatever. My birthday is a special day because on May 20, 1983, God decided that this world was ready for and needed the gifts and answers that Cynthia has to offer. And for me, that is enough reason to celebrate me, whether anyone else takes notice or not.

My awaking in May of 2006 was the end of 5 years of thinking that I am not valuable to anyone. And I mean 5 years exactly! May 19, 2001 was my senior prom. My prom date was a guy that I had dated, but we weren’t dating when prom came around. After the dance, while I was on the phone with my mom, he attempted to take advantage of me, knowing that I wouldn’t say anything with my mom on the phone (a very vulnerable moment). After hanging up and screaming, “What’s your freakin’ problem?” he proceeded to tell me that he didn’t have to respect me anymore since we weren’t dating. It was at that moment that I decided I would not let anyone disrespect me like that again. Unfortunately, I left myself open to a whole lot more disrespect, and even that determination began to break down. And it’s true, I have never been disrespected in the same way I was on prom night. And my self-respect (self-value) had been on the decline until May 18, 2006.

Now that I am starting to see my own value, I’ve realized that I can’t allow myself to take any disrespect from people around me. I know I can’t force people be respectful, but it’s kind of like those “10 steps to quitting” programs. If you want to quit smoking – step one – stop hanging around people who smoke. So, if you want to learn to respect yourself, stop hanging around people who disrespect you, even in a joking manner. After looking back, I realized that the hidden meaning in the jokes hurt me worse than the insults did.

Now, when I talk about people disrespecting me, I’m not talking about direct, blatant disrespect to my person, even though that is part of it. You disrespect me when you disrespect those things I love – My dream, my church, my God, my boyfriend, my car, my favorite sweater. All of those things are a part me at some level. Before, it was easier to defend those things I cared for than it was to defend myself. Now, I have purposed for myself that I will not passively allow myself to be disrespected.

So, how do judge if someone is being disrespectful? I like to use something my friends affectionately call “the butt-hole meter”. It is a handy little, internal tool that warns me when someone is being a butt-hole, whether they are consciously acting that way or not. It is also useful for letting me know if someone is truly being a butt-hole or just simply being honest with me about my flaws or crummy attitude or the booger in my nose. When my butt-hole meter goes off, I have two choices – walk away from the situation or defend whoever or whatever is being disrespected. The relationship I have with the people in a particular situation will determine which way I respond.

Thanks to my butt-hole meter, I can make sure that I surround myself with people who say truthful things about me (and unfortunately, the truth is not always positive).

*And just for the record – lying to me to make me feel good is considered disrespectful in my book!

Seperation? Is it possible

(For those of you looking forward to the second half of the respect article it will be posted later this evening or first thing tomorrow due to a prior engagement by the writer)

Instead, you get me. I have to ask a question that I truly have no answer to. Is it possible to seperate who you are from what you do? If so ... How?

I have heard my entire life that the two must be seperate, yet for the life of me I can't wrap a complete understanding of how to do that.

Here is my conundrum. If I know who I am, then what I do will reflect that. If I am passionate about what I am doing then I most certainly believe that it "becomes a part of me". Ie. Attending church is part of who I am, not out of religious habit, but because it is something that is a part of who I am. So what I do is suddenly a part of who I am.

HELP!!! How am I to seperate what I do from who I am? Should I? if I shouldn't why not? I'm totally open to any answers... I just have idea where to even start to look for wisdom and understanding. So I guess I do have an idea...YOU GUYS! Have at me, rip me to shreds if you like, I just need some answers!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Here is a special guest blog from one of our frequent contributors. If you frequently post comments and think you have something we need to hear here on change addicts either post a comment to this post, or email me! Thanks and enjoy!

-From "Cyn"

My definition – the outward expression of value for someone or something
Wikipedia - Respect is the esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability
Webster’s dictonary - 1 a : to consider worthy of high regard

As children, one of the first life lessons we were taught was “respect your elders.” For me, that meant say “yes ma’am” or “no sir” and don’t talk back to them, don’t argue with them, don’t contradict them, and don’t disobey them. As I got older, it meant they have lived longer than me and are wiser and more experienced than me, therefore know more about life than me. Even in society, we are told to respect peoples’ differences; don’t try to make everyone like you. Recently, as I have been told I need to value people, all people, I was totally clueless as how to do that. I could consciously say, “I value Emilee,” but how did I let her know that, or others know that? I could say it, but if someone said, “prove it,” I would be left speechless.

A few months back, I started on my personal quest to respect others. Before, I really didn’t care for people. Not REALLY care. I cared if they liked me and laughed at my jokes and complimented my clothes or shoes, but I didn’t care about the actual people, so it was real easy for me to backbite and smart off and speak my mind (to the ones I knew wouldn’t call me on it). We’ve heard it before – to get out of one ditch, you’ve got to get all the way in the other ditch. One ditch was just being flat out rude and calling it “not caring what people think about me.” The other ditch was overdoing the “respect others”. If I need to borrow a pen or pencil, I would go out of my way to give it back to the lender before they left the building. Now pens and pencils don’t seem to be a big deal – they’re not that expensive, some of them look exactly the same. But it was a matter of respect. It’s a hard thought process to trace back but if I thought the pen or pencil was valuable enough to need to borrow, and the lender thought I was valuable to lend it to, then I should have some value, if not equal value for the lender to give it back. If I don’t give it back, then there’s the potential if I need a pen on a different occasion, they may not be willing to lend another one. The pen is not the valuable thing; it is the person and the trust of the person who lent me the pen.

This was a new mindset I was trying to build in myself and I had to start small. If I’m faithful in “paying back” the pen, then I can grow to be faithful when someone lends me a pair of shoes (which are more valuable to the lender than the pen is). Then, if I’m faithful with the shoes, then I grow again, so they’ll let me borrow CD’s or DVD’s. As I grow in faithfulness, the person also grows in trust. It can get to the point where if I’m going to take a weekend vacation in the fall to the mountains and the person has a convertible, they have no problem lending me the car because they know I value them, therefore will respect their property and be faithful to return it the same condition it was borrowed in. (I LOVE driving through the mountains in the fall when the leaves are changing in an open vehicle – be a convertible or jeep )

Now value and respect isn’t just about borrowing stuff. My first step just happened to be learning how to value others by respect their stuff. It was the “loudest” expression I could think of to show that I valued people. The next step was being faithful to my word to others. If I told someone that I was going to be somewhere or do something at a certain place and time and I wasn’t able to fulfill that “promise”, I did whatever I had to do to tell that person “I’m not going to make it” or “I’m going to be late” or “I bit off more than I could chew.” It was important to me to let them know that I still valued them, even though I may have messed up.

I still haven’t made it, but I’m starting to crawl out of the other ditch and find the road again.

Step Three: Self-respect…. (To be continued on Monday!)

Change Experiences

One of the most life changing thing I’ve ever done is work with a team. When we first started we were not a team. We were just a group of people fighting for control. There were times I wanted to kill someone. (Yes, Murder in my heart kind of thing.) There were times I wanted to kill everyone. There were times I even wanted to kill myself, (Imagine that) all because I was forced to interact with people that were totally unlike me. God forbid there actually be something wrong with me, that I might need to learn to think differently.

Unfortunately most of us go through life ignoring our own faults. Sure we will admit that we have some faults, but most people never change very much during there life. We have become masters of arguing our point. We think if we win an argument we are right. I’ve won arguments when I was wrong. It didn’t mean I was right. It just meant I argued my point better than the other person.

So what does winning an argument mean? It could mean that you are right or it could mean that you are building a mountain of self deception. It is not the search for truth that matters to us many times but winning the argument, presenting the best case. If I present the best case and I’m wrong I’ve just strengthened my own arrogance.

I may be able to win an argument against one individual, but chances are I will not be able to stand in the face of an entire group of people that are telling me I’m wrong. As I began to interact with the team, my defenses were broken down and I had to look at me for who I really was. Trust me that is easier said than done. I really got to know myself. In getting to know myself I realize that I am beginning to understand others better.

I don’t argue like I used to anymore. My time is not about convincing others that I’m right. It is more about working with others to discover something wonderful and new about myself of someone else. Sometimes that means giving the appearance of arguing in search for the truth, but I don’t argue for the sake of arguing anymore. I’ve never seen arguing convince the other party they were wrong and you were right. It usually just makes the other party mad and they shut you out.

I have started keeping a log of the things I learned about dealing with myself and dealing with others. It was an emotional experience to say the least and I plan to share some of these experiences in the future. For now, I would like to here from anyone who my have similar experiences.

PS This is not a strategy for the court room, but it will help your everyday relationships.

The power of Art!

I'm stark raving consumed!

I realized that there is much more to this techne thing than I even originally thought.

Let me start by backing up. Techne (tek-nae) is a greek word that refered to the art of a thing. Speech had a techne, writing has a techne, virtue has a techne.

From techne we developed english words such as technical, technique, technology.

The problem is that the english translations lost alot in the interpretation. Techne certainly involved specific processes for performing a thing, however it was something much more than that. It was the beauty of the process, the power of the chaotic creations, it was the journey that made the sun itself so majestic (check out Plato for more).

Let me give you an example. Technology and technique give you the specifics of exactly how to do something. You can have the perfect gameplan for winning the superbowl. However, how "beautiful" would the superbowl be, if we played it once a year and just left out all the regular season and post season games. Just pick the two projected best teams and let them play one game. That is what we have made techne into. Life becomes all about the endgame.

However, techne says that the very power of the strategy and of the plan is not in the plan itself but in the journey to get to the plan. It's the beautiful, ugly, chaotic, manic, obsessive process of getting to the superbowl that makes it mean so much. It's the teams that start 0-3 and end up coming back to win the whole shabang! It's the glory of the last second field goals in regular season in the midst of pouring wind and snow that get you the one win you need to get to the playoffs.

We don't pay to see a superbowl, we pay to enjoy the art/techne of the regular season then the post season and then finally the superbowl.

Don't believe me... hide and watch... the World Baseball Championship or whatever the crazy commissioner calls it. It will die a slow painful death, because it has no techne. It's one big event. It doesn't have the backstory, the fullness, the life that a regular US baseball season has.

I'll close by mentioning this. I recently worked to coordinate a youth camp for about 125 people. The structure that we ended up with for the youth camp was unique, however did not technically look that different from many other youth camps. Yet the camp itself was entirely different. It was like no other youth camp ever done. Why? Because of the techne. The back story that went into developing each and every second... not just hour... BUT SECOND... of that camp. The purpose was known, the layers upon layers of ideas that evolved into the structure, the sheer excitement and anticipation of seeing the result of the hard work. THAT IS TECHNE. That is not merely a technical strategy, that is the strategy and all of the latent concepts that are included in building it. That is what we MUST rediscover!

Techne or Techie?

So I have a question regarding yesterday's post.

Do you do things technologically or with a techne. See we have oversimplified the word in America and now technology is seen as mechanical and cold. There isn't any art required to be a techie.

I say REVOLT. NO MORE TECHIES!!! Ok no I'm not saying kill all of the Sci Fi Freaks because I would be at the top of your hit list.

It's bigger than the geeky term techie that we often apply the genre to. No Techies are all around us everyday. They get so caught up and worried about the details that they forget about the art. I watched someone recently who looked worried sick about a great opportunity they had. They wanted to know exactly what all would be needed and when and where and how. Now don't get me wrong, that is all important information. But they never even paused long enough to be excited about the opportunity.

So here are some basic rules on returning to a techne! A spectacular art!

1. EVERYTHING CAN HAVE A TECHNE! - NO MORE TECHIES!

2. Art should be fun, if you aren't having fun break something until it is!

3. Art has passion, AND life, AND excitement. Any one of the three left out and you are more of a techie than a techne-ist!

4. Other people should enjoy your art, even if it is laughing at it.

5. Which brings me to ... You should be able to laugh at your art.

6. Art has color! Not neccesarily red and blue and green, but it has contrast, vibrancy, it "SAYS something" other than what it obviously says.

7. Artists' are FREAKS. Ever met one? The great ones are REAL FREAKS!

8. Artists' are obsessed with detailed but focused on how to make the details fit with the big picture. They know the power of the picture is in the details, but the picture is BIG. They enjoy the big picture and appreciate the details.

So I have one question. Where are you going to stop being a techie and start being a Techne-ist?

ps. yes I know that techne-ist is not a word you will find in the dictionary... got anything better and I'll use it from now on!

Politics - ???

Politics. Such a dirty word today.

Government politics, business politics, office politics, sports politics. Everyone seems to be politicking all the time.

I get tired of politics. Especially when it's actually approval addiction hidden in the guise of politics.

Actually there is nothing wrong with politics. All it is, is the techne(art) of working with the Polis (the city state). The problem is that it is an art and most people are trying to use finger paint.

Others want paint by number.

While others are just throwing buckets of paint.

I've decided that I can't quite "playing" politics, but I can quit throwing buckets. And the next person that throws a bucket at me, I'm gonna use my art skills to paint them.

I'm not mad and vindictive, but I can only play by the rules that other people will allow. Not for my personal life, but for dealing with them. For example, I can't teach an english only speaker by speaking in Japanese. I must use their language and system to gradually teach them a better way. However, that probably means I'm gonna have to take their paint buckets and paint them using my techne until they realize that there has to be a better way. OR until I paint them into something I actually don't want to kill.

MORE POLITICS PLEASE-- BUT LEAVE THE DANGED BUCKETS ALONE!

So what is it all about?

So what is it all about?

Why do you care, why does it matter, why do you do anything, why do you care about leadership, why why why why why!!!!!!

The things that I minimize the most are often the things that I actually think it's all about.

The relationships.

The smiles.

The change.

My God.


my god...what have I become. That I have made the most important things the least important things and the least important things the most important things. I have fallen into the trap of Good things that I preach so defiantly against.

When asked what I would like to be doing in leadership... I really didn't have an answer. You wanna know why? Because I haven't spent enough time with the purpose in doing it to have an answer.

Action without purpose becomes religion. And religion is the deadliest cult in the world. I have managed a way to do things without being things. I can "do" leadership, but I have no idea/awareness of why or really even what I am doing. That's great that I can do those things and I'm not downplaying the gifts I have, but what the heck good are gifts if you have no idea what they are really designed to thrive doing.

I can do the things that support the purpose that I have adopted, but the problem is it's the wrong purpose. It is as success focused. I have created a system that is better than most in that it values failure as success, but it overlooks the purpose behind it all. I'm spending alot of time figuring out how to make the monkey in the water do the right things. I'm literally manipulating myself. Not leading and being.

Because I haven't connected with the TRUE purposes, I don't have the self-discipline of a two year old in the little things in my life. While the little things don't kill me, they do kill me. They are the tiny cracks that have begun to spring up in the foundation I have laid in my life. Weeds are beginning to grow through the cracks. The scary thing is, I have become numb to it. I realize that the problem exists, but because I can't manipulate and control it out of my life, I have resigned myself to live with it. I have become the god of my world, and I refuse to admit that something or someone else might be able to help me.

Understand, this isn't a conscious effort, I don't sit and think about how much I want to control my life. I have become numb and seared to the very things that used to prick my heart. I have resigned myself from higher standards in the name of "grace". The problem is that I am also resigning that grace is weaker than my ability to manipulate myself. Therefore, what is the point.

So, I have no idea where to go from here... which I actually hope is the first step. But I do know that recognizing it is the first step to overcoming it. I will radically manipulate myself I have no doubt, but hopefully in my own manipulative behaviours I will position myself to access the grace that I actually need.

So the question I'm left to ponder and breakdown about is "what is it really all about?" you? them? or Him?

Seth's "When is success, success"

Well I decided not to post today intentionally. I want you to read the attached link that is Seth's blog, but I also want you to take a look back over the last week and slowly read through and think about what was actually said. There was alot of meat to swallow and the only comments I got seemed to be just a few pieces of steak that were stuck in your teeth. Go back and think about them some more. I'm not upset in the least, I just think there was some strong words and deeper meaning hidden behind some of your instant responses. Dig around in them and find something that challenges you. A kick every now and again is good, but I hope you can find a way to methodically digest each post. If you would like... Ask PAUL... he has some great ideas on how to "digest" the posts (Thanks Paul!).


http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2006/09/successful.html

Passionate Action

Ok, after great discussions about passion and on what "matters", I ask a simple simple question. Look at every day for the past week. NOw what % of your time awake did you actually spend doing what you are passionate about? Not talking about it, but doing it. For me it was under 20% of my time. So, functionally that means I am only willing to pay a price of less than 1/5th of my worth for what I say I am passionate about.

What is scary is that I consider myself a highly committed and passionate person. You can only talk for so long before it becomes put up or shut up. So you will hear me increasingly shutting up. Don't worry Change Addicts isn't going away, but I must make BEAING my #1 priority.

Most of us are still caught up in chasing our reflection in the water to use that reflection effectively. For me, I sudeenly recognized that I had my hard head "shoved under the water", looking for the reflection that was me all along.

I know we say EVERYTHING MATTERS, and maybe it does to you, but some things I could care less about. Your opinion of me... I really don't care. So to me it doesn't matter and yet to you it may be very important. As far as I"m concerned, it's not about if it matters or not, it's not about someone talking about what matters, it's not about someone telling me they want accountability, it's about the WHY behind the matter. WHy does it matter, why do you actually care about it, I can care about you because I want you to succeed or I can carea bout you because of what you can do for me, both make you matter, but they will illicit VERY different reactions. It is the WHY that is the $64 million dollar question.

To summarize; PURPOSE is everything, BEING is everything, DOING is everything.

Yes that means that you cannot seperate purpose, being, and doing as far as reality is concerned. THEY ARE THE SAME THING. I'm tired of takling about potential, I'm tired of talking about where I will be one day, the thing that is most important (as of today) is TODAY! Tommorow will take care of itself, I will take care of today, the purpose in my being and doing today! The Being that dictates my doing and is built on the structure of my purpose. And the Doing that is a direct indication of my perceived purpose and my actual being.

GET OUT OF FINDING THE REFLECTION, GET OUT OF TALKING ABOUT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, and just start DOING!

What are you following?

What are the characteristics are of a leader? What is the personality of a leader? What is the purpose of a leader? What is leadership? These are just a few of the questions that I have heard numerous people ask numerous times. I believe that these are good questions. However if you try to answer these questions and then conform to the answer, it is possible to lose who you are in the process of becoming a leader. In other words, we have a lot of cookie cutter leaders. There should never be another John Maxwell. There is no need for another John Maxwell. I agree the world needs leaders, but we do not need John Maxwells. We need people who understand their purpose and apply leadership principles to accomplish their purpose.

If I ask the question, why do you want to be a leader, I would get all kinds of noble answers. Answers such as, I want to effect my generation; change my world; leave this world different when I’m gone. These are good answers, but most of the time they are not the real answers. Most people will not tell you their pursuit of leadership is to get the advantage over you so they can have control. Some will, but most will not. I know you could argue with me over the fact that wanting control can be a person’s purpose. When I talk about purpose I’m talking about that thing that you were made for, your design. When you find your purpose and start fulfilling it, you will effect your generation; change your world and leave this world different when you’re gone.

The greatest leaders are the best followers and servants. They serve in whatever station of life they find themselves. The King has many servants. Each servant has their station of service. The king however is the greatest servant. His charge is to serve the people. The servant who serves the king has one or two responsibilities that they bear the burden of. The king bears the weight of the entire kingdom and its people. So who carries the most weight of responsibility in serving?

None of us are here without purpose, but we abuse our lives because we don’t understand our purpose. (If you do not understand the purpose of something, you will abuse it.) We abuse the principles of leadership to serve ourselves rather than accomplishing our purpose.

If you want the ability to recognize a leader, it’s not hard. Look in front of yourself and see who you are following. If you look up and see you are not following anyone, then look behind you there is probably no one following you. I am a follower. I know what to look for in the people I follow. I look for character, integrity, and a servants heart?

More appropriately I believe the questions should be, what are the characteristics of the leader in front of me? What is the personality of the leader in front of me? What is the purpose of the leader in front of me? You will become like what or who you follow.

What are you following?

does it matter?

It occurs to me that in matters both great and small, everything matters. You might think that they don’t but rest assured they do. I can of course only speak for myself, but curiously enough I have observed similar patterns in the lives of others also. What matters to me may not matter to you, but nonetheless it still matters. With varying weights and measures we all count the cost and prioritize our life daily. We also reap the benefits and the rewards of the things we give our time to. Our time is an investment in what we give it to. Time is, as they say, money. With that said, maybe we should ask some of our questions differently. If time is really money, how much money do I give my spouse, friends, family, work, business, and God? At the end of the day who has the most money? Does it matter?

It's all about the BE!

Over the past couple of days I've noticed an epidemic. People who are still looking for the way to know? How do you know anything in life?

Yeah it seems like such a simple question... until you try to practically apply it.

How do I know the sky is blue... well my eyes perceive it that way, yet where can you show me the blue in the sky? Can you grab it and put it in my hand? What if the sky is red? You say it isn't, yet I've seen it look very red before. So which is it... blue or red?

It's the flaw of the human condition. It's being locked into our perception being reality. It is the inevitability of the fact that we are finite and our minds are finite... and you will never arrive.

That is why we look for ten steps to know if what people think about us is what God thinks about us. That is why we look for someone to show us the "way to live". To some extent it is even why read this blog. We think that there is a higher way to live that we can "know".

Now, before you start yelling heretic and calling for me to be burned at the stake let me finish.

The fact is that “knowing” is a problem for us. Being is much more accurate. If you “know” something then it is describable, it has distinct limitations, it can be put into a little box by the parameters your mind puts around it. Being on the other hand is an entirely different story.

Don’t get me wrong… I strong believe that knowing is an important first step towards being, but the problem is that it is only a step. I’ll end with this story and write more about it later.

There once was this little monkey. This little monkey went down to the waterhole with his mother one day. It was the first time he had ever been to the big pond! He was so excited. He ran down to the water’s edge and peered in.

He scrambled back in surprise at the little monkey on the surface of the water staring back at him! He looked and looked from a distance but the little monkey was gone. Finally, he built up enough courage to move back to the water’s edge… and boom there it was again. Determined to be a brave monkey he held his ground. He waved and as he did the monkey in the water waved at the same time. He smiled and so did the other monkey. The little monkey started getting frustrated at this copy cat in the water. He moved quickly trying to surprise the monkey in the water but to no avail, the monkey in the water mimicked him exactly. All of this mimicking made the little monkey very angry. He smacked the monkey as hard as he could.

Sure enough the monkey disappeared. The little monkey beamed at his superiority until suddenly he looked down and there the monkey was again. He smacked the water again… and once again after a moment or two he re-appeared.

Finally, after his failure the little monkey became intrigued. He could not figure out where this new monkey came from and why he couldn’t get to him. He was also baffled that when he felt like he should be the closest to the little monkey that he ended up being the farthest away. The monkey would even disappear.

He pondered all of this for a while and with his dogged tenacity decided that he would not be made a fool of any longer by this monkey. He chased it all over the waterhole running hard after it, thinking that he must just barely be missing it, but time after time it would disappear in the thrashing waters. Finally, in disgust he gave up and plopped down backwards to sit in the cold water. As usual the monkey appeared again.

Totally fed up with disgust, the little monkey had an idea. He plunged his head under the water, bound, bent, and determined to find the monkey. He held his head under longer and longer and longer… so bullheaded was the little monkey that he took a deep breath of the water… just knowing that it must be safe since the other monkey did it.

As he lay there drowning his lungs filled with the murky water… he cursed the monkey that he never could find.


That’s why it has to matter and not matter… stop searching and start being… It’s much more fulfilling.

It doesn't matter...

It Matters - It's much more serious than you think.

Cleaning my room - It Doesn't Matter
Keeping Track of my Finances - It Doesn't Matter
Shaving each morning - It Doesn't Matter
Dressing Nicely - It Doesn't Matter
How I treat my significant other - It Doesn't Matter
The Relationships I pursue - It Doesn't Matter
The Success - It Doesn't Matter
The Failure - It Doesn't Matter
How clean I keep my truck - It Doesn't Matter
If I keep my shoes, tied, shined, and which ones I wear - It Doesn't Matter
What I hear on teh (the) radio - It Doesn't Matter
Typos - They Don't Matter
What time I get to work - It Doesn't Matter
What time I go to bed - It Doesn't Matter
What I look at on my computer - It Doesn't Matter
Thank you notes - They Don't Matter
How I use my time at work - It Doesn't Matter
Where I eat - It Doesn't Matter
What I eat - It Doesn't Matter
How much I eat - It Doesn't Matter
How I manage my time - It Doesn't Matter
What I think Matters - It Doesn't Matter.


What doesn't matter to you?

See the pendulum continues to swing. The key is not in whether or not they matter or don't matter... it's WHY they matter. Jo, you hit it with your post. I was wanting someone to say exactly what you did! Stop saying things matter... when you can't explain why they matter. Because everything that mattered three days ago also didn't matter three days ago. It's the why behind the matters that gives the value.

Think of every action as a currency. The dollar bill you hold in your hand when you pay for your lunch... it really isn't worth anything. Yet it is worth everything... it's the actual gold behind the dollar bill that gives it its value, not the paper and green ink that make it up. The actions you take each day, they mean nothing void of the why behind them! Don't worry Andy... I still think they matter... I just think they also don't matter.

That is why I can't give you 10 things to care about that will make you a passionate person... you better find the passion for yourself and you won't have any trouble finding a million things that matter! I can help you refine the things that you think matter... but I can't find the things that matter to you!

SO... what matters to you... what doesn't matter.... WHY???!!!

Sanders Says!

Finally,

One of my favorite speakers and authors has his own blog. Check out Sanderssays.com. Tim Sanders the guy who looks 22 but is really over 40 and by the way happened to be the head honcho at Yahoo, finally has his own blog. This guy is intense, you better be ready for some "love" from Tim. He will give you some practical and effective advice, and he has some amazing comment contributors. Definitely a weekly read here!

Let me know what you think!

Steve Irwin... The Freak!

Steve Irwin… too passionate? Yep.

Steve Irwin… too passionate? Nope.

Better know your values system.

Are you here to die for your cause, or live for it?

Most people are all for passion as long as it’s what you live for. But what about when it becomes what you die for? Can you still be passionate then?

It’s the FREAKS who rule the world. Steve Irwin… Freak. Soichiro Honda… Freak. Tiger Woods… Freak. Michael Jordan… Freak. Hitler… Freak. Tom Peters… Freak. Jesus Christ… Freak. Columbus…Freak. Jack Welch… Freak. Jimmy Hendrix… Freak. Da Vinci… Freak. Julius Caesar… Freak.

When was the last time someone called you a freak? If they haven’t… then are you really passionate? I don’t mean freak in a good light. I mean when was the last time someone told you that you are absolutely insane. Soichiro Honda… shows up at board meetings drunk and naked… CAR FREAK. Tiger Woods… grows up without any kind of life at all except for holding a golf club… GOLF FREAK. Hitler… Kills 6 million people with insane efficiency while motivating 50 million more… PSYCHO FREAK! Jimmy Hendrix… mimics sexual relations on stage with his Guitar and mocks the national anthem… FREAK. Da Vinci… Dreams up thousands of ideas that are centuries ahead of their time only to become demented, possessed, and obsessive…FREAK! Julius Caesar… Marches on his own hometown with a full army in order to take over… FREAK! Steve Irwin… Gets stabbed in the heart by a sting ray while swimming with the oceans deadliest animals, for an uncountable number of times… CONSERVATIONIST FREAK!

I’m not justifying FREAK behavior… I’M SAYING IT RULES THE DANGED WORLD! (YES I SAID DANGED!).

Don’t copy Freaks, that just makes you an idiot. Become a FREAK… that makes you a leader. The world needs more obsessive, compulsive, A.D.D., insanely odd people! Raise your freak bar… and hurry up about it!

Please FREAK out!

It Matters. . .

I'll give you my reply on Steve's Passion Tomorrow, instead I have something burning in me today.


It Matters - It's much more serious than you think.

Cleaning my room - It Matters
Keeping Track of my Finances - It Matters
Shaving each morning - It Matters
Dressing Nicely - It Matters
How I treat my significant other - It Matters
The Relationships I pursue - It Matters
The Success - It Matters
The Failure - It Matters
How clean I keep my truck - It Matters
If I keep my shoes, tied, shined, and which ones I wear - It Matters
What I hear on teh (the) radio - It Matters
Typos - They Matter
What time I get to work - It Matters
What time I go to bed - It Matters
What I look at on my computer - It Matters
Thank you notes - They Matter
How I use my time at work - It Matters
Where I eat - It Matters
What I eat - It Matters
How much I eat - It Matters
How I manage my time - It Matters
What I think Matters - It Matters.


What matters to you?

Tell me more? Was Steve too passionate?

Ok, I’ve had some great responses, but not enough!

Let me give a little more reference. Was Steve Irwin (the crocodile hunter) too passionate?

I know what I think and I am holding onto my thoughts for now, you’ll know them soon enough. TELL ME MORE!!!!

Just a simple question...

I have a simple question and I want some answers...

Is there such a thing as being too passionate? ... Fire away!

Some of the Best from the Best

In light of reaching our 50th post, I thought I would share with the rest of the non-detailed world (ie those of you who don't read the comments) some of the greatest thoughts on some of our previous posts. I'll start with more recent posts and work backwards... to get the full effect you will need to go back and read the post and the comments in context.


More prevalent than AIDS and more rampant than Bird Flu… CEO DISEASE!
wife of paul said...
I think one of our biggest problems on this subject is we think we "know" ourselves. We were brought up to be a certain way, we conformed to the norm in school, we believed the crap that our "friends" spewed out about us, we had a list of people we had to get approval from and somewhere in that mix we either lost who we really were, or in most cases we never even had the chance to know who we really were to begin with.


I’m A Lustful Person Part 2
Em said...
The only people that make any kind of impression on me are the passionate ones. I have never really thought about it, but the only people I even remember are the ones who are different. What could be more important...me becoming who I am, loving what I love so passionately that others see it, and are changed by it. My goal, my heart, is for me to fulfill by purpose, but more than that for others to fulfill their purpose. And how do you do that? I don't remember hearing of a book that will tell the you the 12 steps to making others a success. If I am truly doing what I was sent here to do, I really do believe it will leave an impression on others, without me having to say anything. I will not have to write a book about my life, or go around announcing my passions to everyone, being who I was designed to be will be sufficent.
I am only getting frustated now, because lanuage is limiting in trying to convey what I am feeling. I am just going to be me, continue to grow and change, pursue my purpose, no matter what the cost. That is all I have to offer.

Anonymous said...
The way I see it is there are over 6 billion people on the planet, 99.9% of which are doing the same thing. Why not be different? Obviously, if what 6 billion people were doing was the RIGHT thing, the world would look nothing like it does now. I think one lie we sometimes fall prey to is that "there's no room for me and my idea". That's idiocy. There's no room for "just another idea", but your passion about what you represent will make room for it!

wife of paul said...
Lust is defined as "an intense longing or craving," or "to have an intense desire or need." Passion in and of itself is not what we strive for. Some people say they want or need more passion, but really passion is not what we are ultimately after. It's what we have the strong desire for, what we crave, and what we need that actually fuels our passion. If you think about it, the people with the most passion are always looking for something more, they draw from those around them, they grow, they change. But those with little or no passion always seem to be the ones that "have all the answers" and never feel the need to pursue something or someone greater than themselves. Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, those who are so glum and "woe is me" all the time. Both only focus on themselves. I think to have passion, to truly have passion, is when what you desire and crave and need ultimately is not about you, it is about those around you. It is about the things you want to do. The things you want to change. Many of the things that I am passionate about have little or no benefit to me. It is seeing those passions come into reality that is the reward. It is seeing an entire third world nation change
that is the reward. It is establishing God's kingdom in a territory that has been the most backward in that state that is the reward. To me, my passions are not about what I strive for for myself, they are about what I lay myself down for in order to achieve. That is how I determine passion.

There were more great ones on this post... check them out!


There isn't room for all the angry, intense, and thoughtful comments on these posts... you will just have to backtrack and check them out.... this is GREAT STUFF!!!

Putting Passionate People in Purposeful Systems - pt 1

Lay down, shut up, and die!

Monday, July 24, 2006 (check the archives)
Angry people rule the world!
- This one got some passion stirred up.



I want to conclude by saying thank you to all of you guys who read and leave your mark here. Your comments inspire and push me on to greater things and more posts. The way I see it, there is no "wrong answers" in the posts... yes sometimes I think you are very wrong in what you say, but the fact of the matter is the comment is how you feel. Your feelings may not be right, but they are your feelings. I love to deal with what is really in you and see if we can work through things together, so that we all come out as something greater and stronger! Thank you all for your comments and for sharing your heart... and KEEP ON CHANGING!

Happy 50th Post Change Addicts!

I want to take today and celebrate the fact that this is officially our 50th post here on change addicts. It has been so much fun seeing the site grow as well as seeing the amazing ideas that come from each and every one of you. I believe that what has begun here is a mere taste of what is to come. I can see this post becoming the "go to" place for an entire generation of change addicts. I can see this very blog setting the pace for businesses, governments, and artists, I can see blogs coming out of this blogs, authors from my commenters, and most importantly a lasting multi-generational fire that ignites here.

However, this fire is not about me, and I cannot carry it alone. I want to ask you if you are a carrier of change? Apostle David Coker says that there are 5 stages of any "vision". The first stage is the Entrance stage. This stage is where the people become introduced to it. They find out about the vision. They can see some of the outward expression of the vision.

The Second stage is the pioneering stage. I believe presently as far as this blog is concerned, we are at this stage. We are beginning to settle the land of change addicts. We are launching out into new areas and beginning to establish ourselves.

The last 3 stages which are still to come for us are the Building Level, which is rooted in Expansion, Growth, and "mastery". This is where Change Addicts will begin to see it's style, pattern, and structure more clearly. It will be an architectural stage. A planning for future multiplication. Pieces of this stage have already begun.

Finally, are THE VOICE and GOVERNING stages. These are still somewhat distant to us, however, still not so far away. We will explore more on them as we approach them. Understand that each of us are at different places in this continuum according to the pattern and vision that we are following and connected to. When I say we are at the Pioneering stage, I am talking only about change addicts as a web site.

The fact is that ultimately the success and failure of this blog is not in my hands. It is in yours. You are the ones who have the access to lead your world. You are the one that can begin to become the carrier of this message. It's not about this website become the largest in the world, it's about the voice and the message we carry becoming one of the loudest that is out there. However, I cannot carry this alone. I need people who can carry the weight of this message, who will pioneer, and break new ground, who will see to it that their friends, their enemies, and every leader or potential leader they encounter can has access to a voice for change, for debate, and for purpose.

I hereby give each of you the response-ability for making this message known worldwide. I can't wait to see what happens.

Normally, this is where the tele-evangelist or the mda-athon would ask for money, however I don't want your money (yet...lol). Instead I merely ask that you find ways to promote change through promoting this blog and the thoughts on it, to every friend, enemy, and leader that you encounter!

Thanks for 50 great posts and I look for MANY MANY MORE TO COME!!!

KEEP ON CHANGING!
KEN

More prevalent than AIDS and more rampant than Bird Flu… CEO DISEASE!

As leaders in organizations it is often easy to fall prey to CEO Disease. This is a disease that can cause a multitude of side effects and a disease that few of us are immune to. Our television based society has pre-disposed … maybe the more accurate word is pre-conditioned , our thought processes to a particular way of “knowing”.

To display this, let me use a more obvious example. Last week we remembered the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Let me ask you a few questions. Which city did Katrina devastate? Who did Katrina hurt the most? If you had to name who failed in Katrina, who would it be?

Most would say New Orleans… when actually many cities in Mississippi were damaged as badly if not worse. Katrina probably hurt the Mississippi families and the fishing industry the most. And if we want to know who failed with Katrina, I would say it was the news media for doing an ineffective pre-strike job of motivating people to get out.

That just goes to show that we don’t always get the right skinny from the “people on the scene”. I’m not saying all of those answers have to be 100% correct, but most of us wouldn’t even think of them, and they certainly aren’t invalid.

Now, How did you “know” those things? The fact of the matter is that the majority of us got our information from the news media. This is not a rant about how terrible our news media is (although they are… even the good ones). Instead, I want to point out the inherent flaws that television has brought to our mental constructs of “knowing”.

During Katrina, and since, we have received all of our information through a flawed medium. The medium causes an ignorance of “knowing”. We think because we can see it, then we “know” about it. It’s the problem of RE-presentation. We see a digital 2 dimensional image of about 2 or 3 blocks and think we can “understand”. We hear emotional stories from people walking out of the water and think we empathize. We think that Anderson Cooper of CNN or even Shepherd Smith of FOX News will keep us “in the know”. We are suddenly “live on the scene” from a thousand miles away. When actually we have NO IDEA what the real situation is like. We can’t fathom it. We can’t even come close to being able to be empathic with it.

So why am I posting about this on change addicts?

Because although TV shows it and probably created it, the arrogant mental constructs of “knowing” have carried over into every area of leadership.

We “think” we “know”. In our top down leadership approach, we think we have a full picture by looking at a “sales report” or from even a direct report’s observations. Now don’t get me wrong, I hate being micromanaged and I refuse to do it, but I am all about encouraging MBWA (managing by wandering around).

Empathy is crap, until you’ve actually been there. I’m not discounting empathy, but how can you empathize with someone on the scale and magnitude of Katrina if you have never been through it. You can “feel” like you have experienced it, when really you have just seen an outside image from thousands of miles away.

Figure it out today! People you think you “know” you may not and the only way to “know” them is to go find out for yourself.

Am I saying that you have to live through every single experience to understand it? Of course not, but it certainly helps if you have at least seen the environment directly and have an understanding of the landscape.

Who or what do you think you "know", that you really probably have only seen snapshots and images of? List 3 now!

I’m A Lustful Person Part 2

If you attack what I’m passionate about should I not get angry? If you give me what I’m passionate about should I not become excited? Should not the pursuit of my passion make me joyful and give me purpose. Do I have to live according to a set of rules that tell me who I am and what I should feel. Who am I and what makes me, me?

If I tried to take away what you love, would you die fighting for it? If not, I wonder if you truly loved it at all. Words come cheap in our society today. Yes, I get angry. Yes, I get excited. Yes, I have passion that lures me into acting in an unconventional manner at times. Is that not the spice of life? My love of life produces the passion that can be seen by those around me. It can be felt by those that hear me. It can change those that understand me.

Changing the world around you doesn’t always mean that you have to make sense. Sometimes the fact that it doesn’t make sense will rapture you into a world of believing that one person can make a difference.

Passion, Desire, Lust, It is the thing that causes you to act against all reason. It does not replace reason. It gives reason strength, emotion, and life. It takes what I know, what I understand and moves it into relevance. It gives my education purpose by giving it motion. To deny it would be to deny who I am. To suppress it would be to steal from those around me. I am a lustful person. My desire is to grow and change, to fulfill destiny to change the world around me, to make a difference in my generation and the next. Who cares if anyone ever knows who you are? At the end of this life, what else is going to matter? I am a lustful person.

Ahh language wreaks destruction again!

Bear.

Park.

Fly.

Each of these wonderful words has multiple meanings. The english language is a trap. It's often a loop that traps full discusion because your mind puts things together differently from mine.

Let's try something. I want you to read this, then close your eyes and picture a dog. After you picture it for a moment open your eyes and continue reading.
Ok go for it.


Ok, what kind of dog did you see? I saw a little pickanese (I hate those little mutts, who knows why I pictured one). I bet some of you saw an entirely different kind of dog. Mine was red. I bet you didn't see that one coming, did you?

So why did I have you do that? Because language has unique and diverse meanings to all of us. It gets in the way of relationship, and yet you cannot have relationship without it.

Anger,for me, is not an action. It is not yelling and screaming (although it can precipitate that), and it is not being out of control. Anger, to me, is a position of intentional frustration. It is caused by a recognition of potential versus manfiestation. Anger comes about when the standard is above the actual. It's not the spur of the moment reaction though, that is madness. Anger is a intetional expression of irritation at the present reality versus the future potential.

Maybe this helps? Just let us know. It's certainly a safe place to swing from your pendulum no matter which direction you are extreme.


And I'm gonna leave the lust comment alone for now. LOL. Another great post Andy!

I’m A Lustful Person.

I’ve heard a lot about passion lately. Passion, desire, lust it all means pretty much the same thing. We don’t use the word lust a lot though, that just doesn’t sound as politically correct. I don’t hear many people saying “I’m a lustful person.” A lustful person will seek out other lustful people and even reproduce more lustful people. Lustful people are fueled by their lust. They live for their lust. Man, I feel dirty just talking about it. Where is my wife? Look out baby, Daddy is coming home tonight!

I love it when over educated people make things so complicated that we have to have university professors to interpret their meaning. I guess everyone has to have a job though. Maybe I oversimplify things, but I feel like if the emotion is there then it is being produced by some system of thought. People do not get angry just to be angry. They are angry because of what they think about or believe.

I have to disagree with the theory that if you are passionate you are angry. I do get angry about what I m passionate about, but I also get joyful, excited and happy. Jesus was a pretty passionate person. When they make a movie about your passion I would say that in some way you were perceived as passionate. According to the writer of Hebrews, It was for the joy that was set before Him that he endured the cross, not because He was so angry.

Where was His anger in the garden of Gethsemane? Where was His anger when He was moved on with compassion to heal the multitudes? Where was His anger when they spat on Him? Where was His anger when they hit Him? Where was His anger when they nailed His hands and feet to the cross? I do believe that passion will produce anger, but I think our focus is off. Instead of asking what are you passionate about maybe we should be asking what you love. Maybe passion isn’t measured by anger, but by what you love so much you’ll die for.

What do you love so much that you would fly a plane into a building for?

My passion is all about me and how I feel, but let my death be about others and what I love. And may I leave others gawking at “what could a man love so much that he would give his life for it?”

The Pendulum of Pursuit . . . or Keep it Between the Ditches

I have found that there is no such thing as the middle of the road person. We are all in a ditch somewhere. There are those people who think they are in the middle of the road who are often sitting in the ditch and not moving anywhere. Then there are those people like me. We see things in black and white. We refuse to make exceptions, we think that everyone should radically change to the opposite spectrum. We live life on a pendulum.

Quite frankly, I think it is the only way to live life. The fact is that if you live life always trying to take the moderate step you are already stagnant. I find myself continually balancing the paradoxes of great leadership within my life. On one extreme, I can’t lead people I need, while on the other extreme I must put a demand on (need) every person that I lead. Greatness will always be a paradox, and it is my ability to ride the pendulum from one ditch to the other that will manifest my internal design.

I have posted before on my black and white world, so if you want more on this search back and find the post.

More importantly, I want to know what you are currently swinging hard for one ditch in. What are you an extremist about? What are you so passionately motivated to change, that you are willing to charge into it even if it means you could be wrong?
I have found that to break old habits I generally have to overcompensate with new ones? What are you strategically over compensating for?

Understand this is a post praising your extremity, don’t give me insecure comments about how you feel bad about being an extremist, I want to know what you are willing to raise an outcry about and even pursue the wrong way, if you have to, in order to bring it to pass in your own life and in the lives of others!

For me, I'm a freak about execution right now. Stop showing me your dang plan, stop telling me who is in charge, just show me some danged results! I want to see ownership, not just great ideas!

The Gelded Age

The information age has so far produced to the gelded age. All this talk about systems has had me researching and thinking about how we got into this mess. After listening to a summary of one of Peter Drucker's final books "Managing in the Next Society", I think I have discovered a large piece of how we got into this shape. The information age has brought great change. It may be one of the greatest changes since the industrial revolution. Here is the problem, it has only changed the previous system. It is yet to become the information revolution.

Think about it, the information age has routinized every area of business, government, and our lives. You can now have a software program to do everything you were already doing. It does it faster, cheaper, and with more efficiency. We have developed routines that will do everything for us. However, we are just now starting to see on the horizon the real effects of the information age.

Up to this point, every routine has gelded us. (For those of you unfamiliar with this word, it is the word for castrating a horse). I know this has a certain comedic value, but I really want you to think about it. What does routine do to us? It limits us to repetitive tasks and an "in stone" way of doing things. We no longer are able to reproduce, instead we create clones. Pardon the expressive reference, but the information age to this point has taken away our ability to have intercourse. Instead, we have an "enter" course that merely allows us to hit enter and it repeats. The power of reproduction is the unique combinations from each interaction, however SO FAR the information age has merely created repetitive action that mechanizes the process.

This leads back to our discussion from yesterday. It is the millions of individual processes that make up the system. However, when the processes become more important than the function then they become useless. The power of interaction is in the ability to do the exact same thing multiple times and have unique purpose and function for the action. Motive is more powerful than action. It is the motive of the action that will create the next piece of the process. The information age has gelded all motive from action and has created a lifeless system of repetition.

However, before we all commit suicide at our dark and desperate system. . . there are rays of hope. The information system has the power to be so much more. It has the potential to revolutionize the entire way we think about systems, functions, and processes. I think the revolution has started and we are just starting to see the first shots. Cross cultural and unlimited communication is beginning. We have torn down the sectorized markets of the word to create the Global market, however now we are beginning the global village. Even this blog is a shot at the old system of meaningless, powerless repetition. . . if you let it be.

The problem has been that we haven't had REAL information systems, we have had read broadcast systems. We have been in the broadcast age. Where we listen to the news, we listen to the radio, we listen aTV watch tv, we receive systems that do things for us. The information age must become the COMMUNICATION age. A global village, a commune. A place where there is shared interaction. It is a place of intercourse, where your course and my course enter together to create something much more powerful than they ever could be apart.

This demands robust and honest dialogue. You have to comment on my blogs what you don't like for this to work. You have to tell me that you agree when it is in your heart. You can no longer passively observe. I wish I could attach a shock signal to your keyboard so that when you are thinking anything about the post and refuse to write it, it would shock the devil out of you. Of course that would perpetuate the system I'm trying to diffuse, but I still want to!

It is in the creative mix and confrontation of the "egg" and "sperm" of our ideas, the incubation places and the seeds of thought, that will reproduce greatness and change in our lives. For us to truly see the information revolution, we must make it the communication revolution. No more thinking of Hurricane Katrina as a 2-block storm because that is all that the television can effectively show us. No more believing the spin that CNN or FOX puts on the news. No more settling for mere rote information, but demanding. . . no let me rephrase that. . . angrily demanding to know the hearts, intents, and fullness of what you hear. That is Reality! That is Change! That is what it takes to be a real Change Addict!

We might die trying, but our cry must be "The Truth No Matter What!"

Putting Passionate People in Purposeful Systems - pt 3

A system… when we think about our bodies, a system is the chain of organs that interconnect together to perform a common function.

As we talk about systems we must look at two pieces, functions and processes. Functions are the ultimate purpose of the entire system. It is the goal that the system was created for. Secondly, we have processes, these are the minute routines that occur to operate the system. So if we want to extremely oversimplify a system we have the internal function and the external processes that assist the function.

So how does this all tie into passion? Don’t worry I’m getting there.

The problem that most of the world has is that we think that all our systems need are the perfect processes. We look for strategies for business, and we look for teamwork skills, we look for a 10 step plan to get our system to work right! The problem is, a system without a function will not work. Just think, if you stop putting food into your digestive system, eventually it will shut down. It locks up, it freezes, it becomes completely stagnant. A perfect system is useless without its function.

So what is a function… thus enters passion. Passion is the raw material. Passion is the food that we put into the digestive system. It is where the energy, the life, the strength comes from. However, passion without a system is merely potential. And potential that is never developed will rot. Therefore the function of our systems should be to shape and develop passion.

For too long, businesses, churches, the arts, education, media, government and any other area you can think of have all been limited to trying to create perfect systems that create perfect people. The problem is that we have had the wrong ingredients, so the system has been shaped for the wrong function. I’m really not sure which came first the wrong system of the wrong ingredients, but at any rate, somewhere we started building things for the wrong function. Look around, the entire world is a clone! Teenagers all dress exactly the same. I was teaching one night in the teen room at our church and we stood up a “redneck” kid and “thug” kid side by side. What was so funny was that they both were wearing hats, they both were wearing necklaces, they both were wearing belts with big belt buckles, they both even wore glasses that were shaped almost identically. My point is not that everyone should be different, my point is that we think everyone is different when they aren’t! When the system merely try’s get the same results with different ingredients it is bound to fail. This is why it is VITAL for us as leaders to be able to recognize the different passions in people. In a comment from Friday, Cyn said that she was wondering how passion connected to our “natural bent” (this is the word from where the bible says train up a child in the way he should go (it actually says when translated more acutely from Hebrew “according to his natural bent”). We have tried to make every single person have the same natural bent. We have tried to create a system that creates the same product from every person using exactly the same processes.

Imagine if your digestive system did that. Many carbs would go undigested, lipids would be another story, and who knows what would happen to fats. The fact is, that our system has to account for all kinds of “ingredients” and be able to adapt to “digest” and activate the potential energy in them all. Ultimately the system does create the same product (energy) from the materials, but how it gets there is very different. As we continue with change addicts we will look in depth at different strategies and systems that extract the potential energy from the passions of people. However, we have to start by recognizing the root of the passion. Not just the actions, but the roots. Not just seeing the potential, but seeing what activates the potential and what it takes to unlock it.

We will look much more closely at processes, at systems and at functions, because that is what true leadership is about. It’s not about charging into battle for all the glory, it’s about activating the “nuclear” (internal bound-together nucleus) energy that is in each and every person around you! It’s about creating messy, elaborate, beautiful systems that activate not performance, but activate real potential. No matter how messy or how unorthodox.

Start today, crack your system. What “law” have you created that worked for someone way back when, and has no bearing on anyone you lead today. Stop trying to create passion with your systems and find passion then create systems from the passion you find. Start seeing, recognizing, and activating the potential in the passion that you see. Shape it cultivate it, multiply it and ultimately release it to be productive and world changing!