I am actually out of town today... and I only have a few minutes to post so I'll keep it short and sweet.
I had an opportunity to begin to listen to a series of messages by Lance Wallnau today. I haven't been this excited in years. I can finally see a purpose behind the strategic thinking that drives most people crazy. I found another piece of the niche I am designed for. I now know why I think in years instead of days. Why I want to be planning 3 years from now more than I do next week. I may be a freak, but at least I'm a freak with purpose. You will be hearing more and more in the coming weeks about what I heard today, but right now I want to soak in it a little more.
Let me just introduce it as the most Strategic moment of reality that I have heard in recent years. It is the most intentional description of the kingdom reality and its practical application that I have heard. The way I have understood the Kingdom of God, has always related me to my small part in the Kingdom. What I need to do on a day to day basis to be a Kingdom Heir, however this series of messages is viral. It has completely changed my perspective on what the Kingdom is and what it will take for us to see it. It will demand strategic initiatives that will see the entire kingdom equipped with specific tools and a in depth strategic plan for "WORLD DOMINATION". Dr Evil has nothing on me LOL! I now know without a shadow of a doubt that I am designed to help build that plan! I have been built as a piece to develop practical strategies for arming, training, and aiming people!
So, how does this apply to you? You have a piece as well! You have a part in taking the kingdom. Whether it is business, arts, education, politics, or any other mountain that you want to take, scout, or infiltrate you have a place. Your success is not seperate from your "spiritual life". There are places that you are called to that do not fit inside of the traditional mold of "spiritual callings", but there is one thing about it, when you find your place you are one bad motor scooter! You will know that you know that you know that you have discovered a piece of the puzzle that is yours!
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Seth Godin - Killers
Seth Godin shares what not only kills marketing creativity, but I believe is what kills business visionaries. The things he mentions will limit and disarm any progressive thinker within your organization! Do you suffer from these?
The two things that kill marketing creativity
The first is fear.
The fear that you'll have to implement whatever you dream up.
The fear that you will fail.
The fear that you will do something stupid and be ridiculed by your peers for decades.
The fear that you'll get fired.
The fear that there will be an unanticipated backlash associated with your idea.
The fear of change.
The fear of missing out on the thing you won't be able to do if you do this.
The second is a lack of imagination.
I believe that every single person I've met in this profession is capable of astounding creativity. That you, and everyone else for that matter, is able to dream up something radical and viral and yes, remarkable. So why doesn't it happen more often? Sure, fear is a big part, but it's also a lack of imagination.
Basically, most people don't believe something better can occur. They believe that the status quo is also the best they can do. So they don't look. They don't push. They don't ask, "what else?" and "what now?" They settle.
Fear is an emotion and it's impossible to counter an emotion with logic. So you need to mount emotional arguments for why your fear of the new is the thing you truly need to fear.
As for the second issue, just knowing it exists ought to be enough. Once you realize you're settling, it may just be enough to get you wondering... wondering whether maybe, just maybe, something better is behind curtain number 2.
The two things that kill marketing creativity
The first is fear.
The fear that you'll have to implement whatever you dream up.
The fear that you will fail.
The fear that you will do something stupid and be ridiculed by your peers for decades.
The fear that you'll get fired.
The fear that there will be an unanticipated backlash associated with your idea.
The fear of change.
The fear of missing out on the thing you won't be able to do if you do this.
The second is a lack of imagination.
I believe that every single person I've met in this profession is capable of astounding creativity. That you, and everyone else for that matter, is able to dream up something radical and viral and yes, remarkable. So why doesn't it happen more often? Sure, fear is a big part, but it's also a lack of imagination.
Basically, most people don't believe something better can occur. They believe that the status quo is also the best they can do. So they don't look. They don't push. They don't ask, "what else?" and "what now?" They settle.
Fear is an emotion and it's impossible to counter an emotion with logic. So you need to mount emotional arguments for why your fear of the new is the thing you truly need to fear.
As for the second issue, just knowing it exists ought to be enough. Once you realize you're settling, it may just be enough to get you wondering... wondering whether maybe, just maybe, something better is behind curtain number 2.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Can a Leader be a Follower?
I know the religous answer to this question. Yes.... but since we have redefined leaders and followers... once you are a leader and once everything matters can you revert to just not caring? Can you actually will yourself back to a place of merely being a follower?
I guess a better question is AM I AN IDIOT for not being able to just sit back and let what happens happen and me not give any supply whatsoever into it? As a leader when I am put in a situation, not to submit, but to become merely a follower, someone who doesn't give input but merely follows directions I really have trouble doing it. I think because everything I do matters to me, that if I am put in the position to where I cannot at least exert my supply into what I am doing then I have a really really hard time.
Maybe it is just still more of my possesive flesh nature dying out... but I just have a hard time believing that "impotence" in what I do is God's plan for me. Some of this is me venting but I really don't believe that I can be THIS dissatisfied without some deeper reason. But then again maybe I can... Patience is a virtue so I guess I'll know when I'm supposed to know!
I guess a better question is AM I AN IDIOT for not being able to just sit back and let what happens happen and me not give any supply whatsoever into it? As a leader when I am put in a situation, not to submit, but to become merely a follower, someone who doesn't give input but merely follows directions I really have trouble doing it. I think because everything I do matters to me, that if I am put in the position to where I cannot at least exert my supply into what I am doing then I have a really really hard time.
Maybe it is just still more of my possesive flesh nature dying out... but I just have a hard time believing that "impotence" in what I do is God's plan for me. Some of this is me venting but I really don't believe that I can be THIS dissatisfied without some deeper reason. But then again maybe I can... Patience is a virtue so I guess I'll know when I'm supposed to know!
Friday, October 20, 2006
Apology
I wanted to apologize for not posting on Thursday or Friday, I had trouble accessing the blogger server to post. We will pick things back up again on Monday! I hope you take this opportunity to look back over some of the previous posts and really think about them. See ya on Monday!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
The Leader/Team Conundrum
Have you noticed how our definitions... even our redefinitions of leadership have difficulty working in the confines of the concept of a team. It is still very much focused on being aware of a thing and then taking action to "lead" in what you are aware of.
But how can this function within a team?
If we truly want team input, then are we not stiffling the innovative and spontaneous leader?
How do we balance this see-saw of individual awareness with team perspective?
I know that in this area I am only beginning to understand the very basics of this balance but so far the main key seems to be processes.
If a structure and processes can be built that encourage individual innovation, but then has a structure for facilitating this spontaneity, then leaders can truly be activated. Most of us are still thinking that teamwork demands decisions by the team as a whole. We are preaching a divided "gospel". We demand leadership in our team members but then don't allow them to act on the things they become aware of.
To lead effective teams, then we MUST find ways to activate them with systems and processes that shape and direct their awareness, not stifle their passion and action.
That means 3 radical perceptions must be prevalent.
1. Unquestionable support from the top.
Team members must know that without a doubt, they have the full support of their leadership. This means from the thought processes they use to make decisions to the tools and equipments they would use to implement the decisions that are made. They must know that you support their innovation and their creativity! You MUST, MUST, MUST be willing to relinquish control, allow mistakes, and trust your team.
2. Implement Radical Measures for RAPID idea development.
No more holding the reins to keep things steady. Unleash the beast. Let them run as hard and as fast as they can. When they overstep their bounds, correct them, ENCOURAGE THEM THAT THEIR PASSION IS APPRECIATED, then put them in charge of developing the next phase that they missed! YOU MUST REWARD REAL LEADERSHIP! Team player is a bull crap word that we have come up with. Real Team players make baskets, shoot goals, and know how to handle the ball! Even the best team players want the ball when the game is on the line... and on my team I don't want it any other way.
3. Tell Stories of Revolutionary Heroes!
Tell stories of heroes that screwed up completely out of their zeal. Idolize them if you have to. Talk about the heroes who gave up their weeknight to come radically change a problem they saw. Who didn't waste time waiting on meetings and decisions to get something done. Then provide the team you are encouraging (and the hero if you lead them) with a system of support for their decisions! STOP SHOOTING YOUR HEROES!!! To often we get upset and lopp off the heads of our best leaders because they broke the "chain of command" or because they didn't "work with the team". Most likely the reason they didn't is because no effective SYSTEM is setup/or has been made known for them to "submit" their ideas.
It's Time for real leadership teams to arise and playing paddy-cake with manipulative, controlling and limiting systems WILL NOT WORK!!
Up with the Flags you Crazy HEROES!!!
But how can this function within a team?
If we truly want team input, then are we not stiffling the innovative and spontaneous leader?
How do we balance this see-saw of individual awareness with team perspective?
I know that in this area I am only beginning to understand the very basics of this balance but so far the main key seems to be processes.
If a structure and processes can be built that encourage individual innovation, but then has a structure for facilitating this spontaneity, then leaders can truly be activated. Most of us are still thinking that teamwork demands decisions by the team as a whole. We are preaching a divided "gospel". We demand leadership in our team members but then don't allow them to act on the things they become aware of.
To lead effective teams, then we MUST find ways to activate them with systems and processes that shape and direct their awareness, not stifle their passion and action.
That means 3 radical perceptions must be prevalent.
1. Unquestionable support from the top.
Team members must know that without a doubt, they have the full support of their leadership. This means from the thought processes they use to make decisions to the tools and equipments they would use to implement the decisions that are made. They must know that you support their innovation and their creativity! You MUST, MUST, MUST be willing to relinquish control, allow mistakes, and trust your team.
2. Implement Radical Measures for RAPID idea development.
No more holding the reins to keep things steady. Unleash the beast. Let them run as hard and as fast as they can. When they overstep their bounds, correct them, ENCOURAGE THEM THAT THEIR PASSION IS APPRECIATED, then put them in charge of developing the next phase that they missed! YOU MUST REWARD REAL LEADERSHIP! Team player is a bull crap word that we have come up with. Real Team players make baskets, shoot goals, and know how to handle the ball! Even the best team players want the ball when the game is on the line... and on my team I don't want it any other way.
3. Tell Stories of Revolutionary Heroes!
Tell stories of heroes that screwed up completely out of their zeal. Idolize them if you have to. Talk about the heroes who gave up their weeknight to come radically change a problem they saw. Who didn't waste time waiting on meetings and decisions to get something done. Then provide the team you are encouraging (and the hero if you lead them) with a system of support for their decisions! STOP SHOOTING YOUR HEROES!!! To often we get upset and lopp off the heads of our best leaders because they broke the "chain of command" or because they didn't "work with the team". Most likely the reason they didn't is because no effective SYSTEM is setup/or has been made known for them to "submit" their ideas.
It's Time for real leadership teams to arise and playing paddy-cake with manipulative, controlling and limiting systems WILL NOT WORK!!
Up with the Flags you Crazy HEROES!!!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Blah Blah Blah
Blah blah blah blah blah wookie blah wookie wookie blah blah boo boo blah. Blah gack blah gack blah gack blah. WOokie blouie blahb blabh grapf da da.
Don't worry your computer isn't fritzing out.
That is the problem with communication. I can tell you exactly what I was seeing. I can share in (what I think is) detail what I was seeing... and all you hear is blah blah blah wookie blah blah blah.
Someone asked me recently who's fault it was when these miscommunications happen... The answer that I can truly arive at is no one directly. It is the problem of the medium. I cannot put you in my body and let you see what I see.
How do we fix it? Well we can't fix the medium, but understanding it gives us the pieces to know possible ways around it. Pursuit becomes the only answer, and not just by the hearer. As the speaker and communicator we must pursue what our "audience" is understanding. We must be sure that they see things from the same perspective that we do.
Then we must be willing to drop our perspective and empathize with theirs.
IT'S HARD AS ALL GET OUT! BUT IT'S worth it.
The final key is you have to be brutally honest. When you feel like someone is blowing smoke at you, you have to tell them. Not that they are blowing smoke at you, but that that is how you feel. You must believe that their heart is not to be an idiot, and that no one wants to intentionally cause you problems, but that they have something inside that really sees their perspective as the right one. Go after that and you will see Blah blah blah blah blah bllack and white. It will become clearer and clearer and the stronger and more honest the relationship, the quicker it is to get to clear communication!
Don't worry your computer isn't fritzing out.
That is the problem with communication. I can tell you exactly what I was seeing. I can share in (what I think is) detail what I was seeing... and all you hear is blah blah blah wookie blah blah blah.
Someone asked me recently who's fault it was when these miscommunications happen... The answer that I can truly arive at is no one directly. It is the problem of the medium. I cannot put you in my body and let you see what I see.
How do we fix it? Well we can't fix the medium, but understanding it gives us the pieces to know possible ways around it. Pursuit becomes the only answer, and not just by the hearer. As the speaker and communicator we must pursue what our "audience" is understanding. We must be sure that they see things from the same perspective that we do.
Then we must be willing to drop our perspective and empathize with theirs.
IT'S HARD AS ALL GET OUT! BUT IT'S worth it.
The final key is you have to be brutally honest. When you feel like someone is blowing smoke at you, you have to tell them. Not that they are blowing smoke at you, but that that is how you feel. You must believe that their heart is not to be an idiot, and that no one wants to intentionally cause you problems, but that they have something inside that really sees their perspective as the right one. Go after that and you will see Blah blah blah blah blah bllack and white. It will become clearer and clearer and the stronger and more honest the relationship, the quicker it is to get to clear communication!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Looking for ideas...
I can write a blog everyday for the rest of my life and never run out of ideas... but I want to know what you are interested in. Therefore... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BLOG ABOUT... doesn't mean you want get whatever I'm feeling, but I want to know what you have questions, comments, or are passionate about.
Post away... I can't wait to find out!
Post away... I can't wait to find out!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Yes it's more on leadership
Leadership... it's not what you think.
I have decided that leadership is not about what we have always thought it was about. It is not about the dominating direction setting characteristics that we have always given it.
Leadership, as it has always been, is influence. It just so happens that in most situations that the dominant, command centering, vision setting person is the one who leads best, however...
I watched this week as a team of leaders... STRONG LEADERS... fell apart. They are great individuals. They can do anything you ask them to by themselves. They can come up with vision, strategy, purpose, ANYTHING that you need. But put them together and they fall apart. The fact is that they are great leaders as long as they are leading followers. The problem comes when they are no longer leading followers, but leading leaders. It's a whole new ballgame. Everything they thought they knew about leadership just got turned on its ear.
The person who ended up being the greatest leader in my eyes was the person who barely said a word. The one who sat quietly and observed. I know one thing.. he was thinking.
And until the leaders around him discover that the key is there then it will just sit there quietly. He won't actually be leading, but he will be waiting, holding the key that will unlock them. However, he isn't able... correction ... he isn't allowed to release that key for all the aggressive "leaders" around him. (IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO or WHAT I'm talking about THINK AGAIN)
Leadership is influence, but when leading leaders you must find a new way to influence. You must find a way to value their supply and then build that supply into the whole. If you have to have your way, if you cannot allow other people to fail, if you have to win... you aren't gonna make it as a leader nor as a team.
Leaders hate to fail, yet it is the only way that you can lead real leaders. Give them the chance to fail. No more hotshots, no more lone rangers, no more supermen... Become a team... or die.
I have decided that leadership is not about what we have always thought it was about. It is not about the dominating direction setting characteristics that we have always given it.
Leadership, as it has always been, is influence. It just so happens that in most situations that the dominant, command centering, vision setting person is the one who leads best, however...
I watched this week as a team of leaders... STRONG LEADERS... fell apart. They are great individuals. They can do anything you ask them to by themselves. They can come up with vision, strategy, purpose, ANYTHING that you need. But put them together and they fall apart. The fact is that they are great leaders as long as they are leading followers. The problem comes when they are no longer leading followers, but leading leaders. It's a whole new ballgame. Everything they thought they knew about leadership just got turned on its ear.
The person who ended up being the greatest leader in my eyes was the person who barely said a word. The one who sat quietly and observed. I know one thing.. he was thinking.
And until the leaders around him discover that the key is there then it will just sit there quietly. He won't actually be leading, but he will be waiting, holding the key that will unlock them. However, he isn't able... correction ... he isn't allowed to release that key for all the aggressive "leaders" around him. (IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO or WHAT I'm talking about THINK AGAIN)
Leadership is influence, but when leading leaders you must find a new way to influence. You must find a way to value their supply and then build that supply into the whole. If you have to have your way, if you cannot allow other people to fail, if you have to win... you aren't gonna make it as a leader nor as a team.
Leaders hate to fail, yet it is the only way that you can lead real leaders. Give them the chance to fail. No more hotshots, no more lone rangers, no more supermen... Become a team... or die.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I'm feeling poetic
I'm just feeling poetic... just be sure you look deeper than my AMAZING WRITING ABILITY (yes for those of you who miss subtleties... that is sarcasm).
Riddle me this and Riddle me that
I may not be afraid of the big black bat,
Alone in the dark I can boldly stand
no shivers no fear, no need of weapon in hand,
but put me in a room with a crowd full of leaders
my stomach it turns and my hands they quiver
not from fear of stage nor fright of their might
but by my own insecurity glaring in the spotlight
My inability to lead, will it be reavealed...
or can I keep my facade up and keep all sealed
I know I'll fight and come on real strong
or maybe keep my mouth shut and make it back home
Balance I seek, yet falling I fail, the problem;
aim for center and you will wind up on your tail
you must overcompensate, ignore what critics say
throw to the right and your balance will stay
push to the left and dive to the right
maybe a left hook, even a right
it's the action that brings balance
and keeps me upright
yet somewhere inside a voice always rings
you really can't do it, you just make a big scene
you really are fake, one day they'll know
one day you'll mess up and away it will go
I fight and I fight, escape ne'r I see
the voice of conscience? weakness? or insecurity?
I sit here and ponder and I will stand there and glare
not from frustration but from the question "Do you dare?"
Riddle me this and Riddle me that
I may not be afraid of the big black bat,
Alone in the dark I can boldly stand
no shivers no fear, no need of weapon in hand,
but put me in a room with a crowd full of leaders
my stomach it turns and my hands they quiver
not from fear of stage nor fright of their might
but by my own insecurity glaring in the spotlight
My inability to lead, will it be reavealed...
or can I keep my facade up and keep all sealed
I know I'll fight and come on real strong
or maybe keep my mouth shut and make it back home
Balance I seek, yet falling I fail, the problem;
aim for center and you will wind up on your tail
you must overcompensate, ignore what critics say
throw to the right and your balance will stay
push to the left and dive to the right
maybe a left hook, even a right
it's the action that brings balance
and keeps me upright
yet somewhere inside a voice always rings
you really can't do it, you just make a big scene
you really are fake, one day they'll know
one day you'll mess up and away it will go
I fight and I fight, escape ne'r I see
the voice of conscience? weakness? or insecurity?
I sit here and ponder and I will stand there and glare
not from frustration but from the question "Do you dare?"
Monday, October 09, 2006
Wounds...
Let me begin by apologizing for not posting on friday... I had something unexpected come up that did not allow me to get around a computer to get it done.
Now with that out of the way I need to know something... HAVE YOU BEEN HURT LATELY?
I want to talk about the subject of friendship. In our modern society, we have turned friendship. Friends have become acquaintances that prop up our need for attention. A GREAT friend in our society is the one that offers you them most benefits in return for the least "cost". They are always "there for you". They never "let you down". Your friend "has your back".
STOP WAIT HOLD THE TRAIN!!! Since when did friendship become about any of these things. These are fance terms for saying that a friend is always there to serve YOU, help YOU, make YOU feel good. I have slight objection to that. Let me rephrase that... I have STRONG OBJECTION to that.
Proverbs tells me that "the wounds of a friend are faithful!". WOUNDS I TELL YOU, WOUNDS!!! I heard someone tell me that if they were going to work with someone they needed to know that they would get in the foxhole with them and that they needed to know they had their back. I disagree. In the army, they don't look for friends who have your back, they look for friends that will shove you up the hill to take over the dang thing. They know that sitting in the foxhole will only end up getting the both of you killed. And they know that the best way they can have your backside is to kick it!
It's the wounds that friends have given me in my life that cause me the greatest pain, and the greatest victory! It is when my best friend tells me that he can't stand me because I have no ability to talk to people, it's when someone calls me out and tells me that I am brazen and obnoxious... those are the moments that don't feel good at all, but mark me! It's when I'm in the middle of one of the most intense moments in my life and someone calls me on a little thing that I am overlooking... those are the things that mark me. They are what cause me to live my life about something other than myself. That, is where I develop the character to be a REAL LEADER.
To summarize, WOUNDS HURT, they are obnoxious and they leave some ugly scars. However, the wounds of a friend are faithful. They are enduring and a real friend will wound me because he/she is FULL OF FAITH (faithful) in me.
So do you actually have any real friends? Do you really? When was the last time you let one of them stab you in the back...? Did you run away when they did, or did you let them cut out the lump of flesh that was holding you back?
I'm not saying your friend's wounds are always a deep spiritual thing that is done exactly according to "God's plan", but I do know that even when done wrongly, they are faithful...
Do you have any visible scars..? Do you have any REAL FRIENDS?
Now with that out of the way I need to know something... HAVE YOU BEEN HURT LATELY?
I want to talk about the subject of friendship. In our modern society, we have turned friendship. Friends have become acquaintances that prop up our need for attention. A GREAT friend in our society is the one that offers you them most benefits in return for the least "cost". They are always "there for you". They never "let you down". Your friend "has your back".
STOP WAIT HOLD THE TRAIN!!! Since when did friendship become about any of these things. These are fance terms for saying that a friend is always there to serve YOU, help YOU, make YOU feel good. I have slight objection to that. Let me rephrase that... I have STRONG OBJECTION to that.
Proverbs tells me that "the wounds of a friend are faithful!". WOUNDS I TELL YOU, WOUNDS!!! I heard someone tell me that if they were going to work with someone they needed to know that they would get in the foxhole with them and that they needed to know they had their back. I disagree. In the army, they don't look for friends who have your back, they look for friends that will shove you up the hill to take over the dang thing. They know that sitting in the foxhole will only end up getting the both of you killed. And they know that the best way they can have your backside is to kick it!
It's the wounds that friends have given me in my life that cause me the greatest pain, and the greatest victory! It is when my best friend tells me that he can't stand me because I have no ability to talk to people, it's when someone calls me out and tells me that I am brazen and obnoxious... those are the moments that don't feel good at all, but mark me! It's when I'm in the middle of one of the most intense moments in my life and someone calls me on a little thing that I am overlooking... those are the things that mark me. They are what cause me to live my life about something other than myself. That, is where I develop the character to be a REAL LEADER.
To summarize, WOUNDS HURT, they are obnoxious and they leave some ugly scars. However, the wounds of a friend are faithful. They are enduring and a real friend will wound me because he/she is FULL OF FAITH (faithful) in me.
So do you actually have any real friends? Do you really? When was the last time you let one of them stab you in the back...? Did you run away when they did, or did you let them cut out the lump of flesh that was holding you back?
I'm not saying your friend's wounds are always a deep spiritual thing that is done exactly according to "God's plan", but I do know that even when done wrongly, they are faithful...
Do you have any visible scars..? Do you have any REAL FRIENDS?
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Life should have more Frosts
Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.
1. The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
I'm sure you've read it before, yet its simplicity still shakes me to my core. Which road did you take?
1. The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
I'm sure you've read it before, yet its simplicity still shakes me to my core. Which road did you take?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Seperation? Part 2 Is it possible
So many fantastic answers... yet I'm still so confused.
Ok here is what you have helped me realize. That the problem is that what I do does dictate who I am ***PRESENTLY***. It does not dictate the positional truth of WHO I AM.
For example, just because you are presently fat, does not mean that you are designed to be fat. It simply means that is your present condition.
I think what I should have asked more specificially is how do I seperate what I do from Who I am SUPPOSED TO BE. I agree that in a perfect world and if I were perfect they would be one and the same, however we all know that neither one of those conditions exist. So how do I divide it?
Some possible answers swirling inside of me ...
You can't seperate the too, but the only thing you can change is the doing, so begin to work on the little things in the doing and it will indicate the large who...
It is possible to seperate the two, but it demands relationships with people that can see me beyond what I do. That are willing to suffer my ignorant doing to draw out the REAL ME.
It is possible and it demands a visitation from God, where he sits and tells you who you are supposed to be... yes this seems a little drastic... but I'm just not shutting out any possibilities yet. I know alot of people who claim to know "who they are supposed to be" that way.
You don't have to critique my thoughts... but fire away with new answers!
Ok here is what you have helped me realize. That the problem is that what I do does dictate who I am ***PRESENTLY***. It does not dictate the positional truth of WHO I AM.
For example, just because you are presently fat, does not mean that you are designed to be fat. It simply means that is your present condition.
I think what I should have asked more specificially is how do I seperate what I do from Who I am SUPPOSED TO BE. I agree that in a perfect world and if I were perfect they would be one and the same, however we all know that neither one of those conditions exist. So how do I divide it?
Some possible answers swirling inside of me ...
You can't seperate the too, but the only thing you can change is the doing, so begin to work on the little things in the doing and it will indicate the large who...
It is possible to seperate the two, but it demands relationships with people that can see me beyond what I do. That are willing to suffer my ignorant doing to draw out the REAL ME.
It is possible and it demands a visitation from God, where he sits and tells you who you are supposed to be... yes this seems a little drastic... but I'm just not shutting out any possibilities yet. I know alot of people who claim to know "who they are supposed to be" that way.
You don't have to critique my thoughts... but fire away with new answers!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
R-E-S-P-E-C-T pt 2
Self-respect -> the outward expression of valuing myself
About 5 months ago, I hit reality at full speed when I had to accept the fact that one of my best friends was getting married on my birthday. And yes, I was one of the bridesmaids. I was bitter and pouty about it until 2 days before the wedding. Reality was – I didn’t think I was valuable enough for those around me to value (or respect) me AND the happy couple at the same time. If I didn’t value myself, how can I expect other people to value me?
Two days before the wedding, I discovered, for myself, that I am valuable. It gave me a new reason to celebrate my birthday. My birthday isn’t about getting all the attention and presents and compliments and whatever. My birthday is a special day because on May 20, 1983, God decided that this world was ready for and needed the gifts and answers that Cynthia has to offer. And for me, that is enough reason to celebrate me, whether anyone else takes notice or not.
My awaking in May of 2006 was the end of 5 years of thinking that I am not valuable to anyone. And I mean 5 years exactly! May 19, 2001 was my senior prom. My prom date was a guy that I had dated, but we weren’t dating when prom came around. After the dance, while I was on the phone with my mom, he attempted to take advantage of me, knowing that I wouldn’t say anything with my mom on the phone (a very vulnerable moment). After hanging up and screaming, “What’s your freakin’ problem?” he proceeded to tell me that he didn’t have to respect me anymore since we weren’t dating. It was at that moment that I decided I would not let anyone disrespect me like that again. Unfortunately, I left myself open to a whole lot more disrespect, and even that determination began to break down. And it’s true, I have never been disrespected in the same way I was on prom night. And my self-respect (self-value) had been on the decline until May 18, 2006.
Now that I am starting to see my own value, I’ve realized that I can’t allow myself to take any disrespect from people around me. I know I can’t force people be respectful, but it’s kind of like those “10 steps to quitting” programs. If you want to quit smoking – step one – stop hanging around people who smoke. So, if you want to learn to respect yourself, stop hanging around people who disrespect you, even in a joking manner. After looking back, I realized that the hidden meaning in the jokes hurt me worse than the insults did.
Now, when I talk about people disrespecting me, I’m not talking about direct, blatant disrespect to my person, even though that is part of it. You disrespect me when you disrespect those things I love – My dream, my church, my God, my boyfriend, my car, my favorite sweater. All of those things are a part me at some level. Before, it was easier to defend those things I cared for than it was to defend myself. Now, I have purposed for myself that I will not passively allow myself to be disrespected.
So, how do judge if someone is being disrespectful? I like to use something my friends affectionately call “the butt-hole meter”. It is a handy little, internal tool that warns me when someone is being a butt-hole, whether they are consciously acting that way or not. It is also useful for letting me know if someone is truly being a butt-hole or just simply being honest with me about my flaws or crummy attitude or the booger in my nose. When my butt-hole meter goes off, I have two choices – walk away from the situation or defend whoever or whatever is being disrespected. The relationship I have with the people in a particular situation will determine which way I respond.
Thanks to my butt-hole meter, I can make sure that I surround myself with people who say truthful things about me (and unfortunately, the truth is not always positive).
*And just for the record – lying to me to make me feel good is considered disrespectful in my book!
About 5 months ago, I hit reality at full speed when I had to accept the fact that one of my best friends was getting married on my birthday. And yes, I was one of the bridesmaids. I was bitter and pouty about it until 2 days before the wedding. Reality was – I didn’t think I was valuable enough for those around me to value (or respect) me AND the happy couple at the same time. If I didn’t value myself, how can I expect other people to value me?
Two days before the wedding, I discovered, for myself, that I am valuable. It gave me a new reason to celebrate my birthday. My birthday isn’t about getting all the attention and presents and compliments and whatever. My birthday is a special day because on May 20, 1983, God decided that this world was ready for and needed the gifts and answers that Cynthia has to offer. And for me, that is enough reason to celebrate me, whether anyone else takes notice or not.
My awaking in May of 2006 was the end of 5 years of thinking that I am not valuable to anyone. And I mean 5 years exactly! May 19, 2001 was my senior prom. My prom date was a guy that I had dated, but we weren’t dating when prom came around. After the dance, while I was on the phone with my mom, he attempted to take advantage of me, knowing that I wouldn’t say anything with my mom on the phone (a very vulnerable moment). After hanging up and screaming, “What’s your freakin’ problem?” he proceeded to tell me that he didn’t have to respect me anymore since we weren’t dating. It was at that moment that I decided I would not let anyone disrespect me like that again. Unfortunately, I left myself open to a whole lot more disrespect, and even that determination began to break down. And it’s true, I have never been disrespected in the same way I was on prom night. And my self-respect (self-value) had been on the decline until May 18, 2006.
Now that I am starting to see my own value, I’ve realized that I can’t allow myself to take any disrespect from people around me. I know I can’t force people be respectful, but it’s kind of like those “10 steps to quitting” programs. If you want to quit smoking – step one – stop hanging around people who smoke. So, if you want to learn to respect yourself, stop hanging around people who disrespect you, even in a joking manner. After looking back, I realized that the hidden meaning in the jokes hurt me worse than the insults did.
Now, when I talk about people disrespecting me, I’m not talking about direct, blatant disrespect to my person, even though that is part of it. You disrespect me when you disrespect those things I love – My dream, my church, my God, my boyfriend, my car, my favorite sweater. All of those things are a part me at some level. Before, it was easier to defend those things I cared for than it was to defend myself. Now, I have purposed for myself that I will not passively allow myself to be disrespected.
So, how do judge if someone is being disrespectful? I like to use something my friends affectionately call “the butt-hole meter”. It is a handy little, internal tool that warns me when someone is being a butt-hole, whether they are consciously acting that way or not. It is also useful for letting me know if someone is truly being a butt-hole or just simply being honest with me about my flaws or crummy attitude or the booger in my nose. When my butt-hole meter goes off, I have two choices – walk away from the situation or defend whoever or whatever is being disrespected. The relationship I have with the people in a particular situation will determine which way I respond.
Thanks to my butt-hole meter, I can make sure that I surround myself with people who say truthful things about me (and unfortunately, the truth is not always positive).
*And just for the record – lying to me to make me feel good is considered disrespectful in my book!
Monday, October 02, 2006
Seperation? Is it possible
(For those of you looking forward to the second half of the respect article it will be posted later this evening or first thing tomorrow due to a prior engagement by the writer)
Instead, you get me. I have to ask a question that I truly have no answer to. Is it possible to seperate who you are from what you do? If so ... How?
I have heard my entire life that the two must be seperate, yet for the life of me I can't wrap a complete understanding of how to do that.
Here is my conundrum. If I know who I am, then what I do will reflect that. If I am passionate about what I am doing then I most certainly believe that it "becomes a part of me". Ie. Attending church is part of who I am, not out of religious habit, but because it is something that is a part of who I am. So what I do is suddenly a part of who I am.
HELP!!! How am I to seperate what I do from who I am? Should I? if I shouldn't why not? I'm totally open to any answers... I just have idea where to even start to look for wisdom and understanding. So I guess I do have an idea...YOU GUYS! Have at me, rip me to shreds if you like, I just need some answers!
Instead, you get me. I have to ask a question that I truly have no answer to. Is it possible to seperate who you are from what you do? If so ... How?
I have heard my entire life that the two must be seperate, yet for the life of me I can't wrap a complete understanding of how to do that.
Here is my conundrum. If I know who I am, then what I do will reflect that. If I am passionate about what I am doing then I most certainly believe that it "becomes a part of me". Ie. Attending church is part of who I am, not out of religious habit, but because it is something that is a part of who I am. So what I do is suddenly a part of who I am.
HELP!!! How am I to seperate what I do from who I am? Should I? if I shouldn't why not? I'm totally open to any answers... I just have idea where to even start to look for wisdom and understanding. So I guess I do have an idea...YOU GUYS! Have at me, rip me to shreds if you like, I just need some answers!
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