I must confess that I have idols in my life. No really don't laugh I do.
What is an idol? An idol is a representation of a "noun" that you have cast into stone or metal or some graven image that you worship.
I see the cogs turning... "where is this going?" you are thinking.
Well lets take a look at what it takes to make an idol. An idol first of all is made by fashioning an image of your "god", your "perfection". It is often times ornately designed and beautifully fashioned out of the most precious of metals.
I used to wonder why God said in the 10 commandments that the Isrealites should have "no graven image before them". I mean... would it not be good to have this graven image that helps remind you of Yahweh! Yet, when Aaron built the idol in the old testament it wasn't long until the earth was opening up and swallowing people.
So whats the problem with idols and what has that got to do with me?
Well idols create several problems. First of all the problem with idols is that they are fashioned/engraven into an unchanging form. The reason God didn't want the Isrealites having an idol is that he did not want to be stuck into acting only by one standard and having only a single facet that they could see him as. The Bible actually refers to God as the Lion of Judah and the Lamb of God all at the same time. If He is in a graven image... He cannot be both.
The second problem with idols is that we create them to be our standard of judgement. Therefore, we live our lives attempting to become an inanimate being. We hold ourselves to unmoving standards and before long create a hardened facade that never changes.
So blah blah blah... what makes this conversation about idols any different from all the others you have heard people talk about.
Well my problem is that I have made a person an idol. I didn't even realize I was doing it. As a matter of fact, anyone in my life that I feel like is a success I idolize them. I begin to put this permanent hardened image on them. I trap them into acting in a singular way and being hardened to my actions. Worship can be such a strange thing. In honoring a person I can actually harm them. That is why God is the only person that is worthy of my worship.
Let me explain. In the particular instance that I am thinking of, I put this person on such a pedastal that they became an idol in my life. I engraved them into being able to take anything, that my actions didn't affect them in any signficant way. That they were "above" me and my petty faults. And in no means is this a shot at them, but they weren't. The way I acted did matter. When I was rude to them it did hurt their feelings. It did bother them.
To build on this, because I made them an idol in my life, I needed to have their approval. I needed them to think that what I did was the "right" thing. I needed them to feed me my identity, my self value, and my worth.
So in a "sick" and "demented" way I would be completely and totally rude to this person while attempting to convince them that I was right. I needed their approval so badly that I hurt them time and time again without even knowing I was doing it. I would argue with them over and over hoping to prove to them that I was right so that they would give me the approval that I so desperately desired.
However, in looking back it wasn't that I was hardened towards them but in my mind I had hardened them towards me. In no way was this their fault. It didn't really even have anything to do with them specifically. It had everything to do with my own insecurity and my need to have their approval.
Since realizing this during this past weekend, I'm realizing more and more that I have idolized alot of people in my life. Probably not to the extent that I did this person, but certain areas of my life. I then strive to get people's approval in the areas that I have engraved them into. Even if it means hurting them, I need them to tell me "yes you did that right". Yes you are right!...
Yeah I know I'm sick... and really I may be one of the only people in the world who has done this... I can't see it at this point in anyone else. But I wanted to share it with you and see if anyone else could identfity at all.
So now I start the long road to recovery with the relationship with this particular person as well as a journey to tear down the other idols in my life.